2016 Christmas Prose "Feed Yourself Full"

I want to teach my kids to fish

not with fishing pole and bait

but skills to feed themselves

I've been throwing fishes at them for so long

feed my family

put food on the table

A full pantry, a home cooked meal, and full bellies satisfy my mommy heart

But these days, the cupboards are pretty bare- Mom's away and kids fend for themselves

I'm okay with that...they're adults

They should be able to take care of themselves...right?

Making money has never been my strong suit

Good worker, hard worker...but smart worker...

not so much.

With Wall Street noise, frenetic battle between bulls and bears,

 I reflect on quieter times-

When a little fish and bread could satisfy the needs of many

When coins for taxes could be found in the mouth of a fish

 and a man could make a living by the the sea

All it took was a little direction to find the perfect spot to cast the net

and find it full

Inspired Worker!

Called to the work as fishers of men

Caring for both body and soul

I've thrown many a fish at the feet of little ones

Heartfelt fishing in hopes my faith might feed them

But they too need skills to feed themselves and be Filled with the spirit

Receiving the witness of the Risen Lord-

To one day handle him and see-that a spirit hath not flesh and bones

Partaking fish and honeycomb to make a point

Feeding himself

Body and spirit united

Experiencing Fullness

Relative Guilt and Shame

This morning I was thinking about guilt and shame sometimes felt while interacting with relatives. It was brought to my attention as my son accused me of guilting and shaming him during his visit. He suggested I was doing the same thing my father had done to me. I was repeating a vicious cycle and certainly not giving him a warm send off.  It was a moment of disconnection-a moment of separation.  Instead of gathering my chicks around me, I was scattering them with my words and anger directed toward actions and character. I reminded him not to condemn me but rather allow me to make a different choice.  Let me repent.  Let me change.  Let me be with you. Don't put me in a box and slap a label on me. I can communicate in a more loving, empathetic manner.

For some children, coming home for the holidays can be drag.  Coming home to "Utah" can cause anxiety as well.  It can be a trigger reminding them of the LDS values they grew up with along with cultural expectations of what "good" LDS kids do. Many believe Utah is too "judgy"-a  place chocked full of "guilty Mormons."   Guilt is not the same as shame though they are often confused and misunderstood.

Guilt can be extremely valuable and helpful.  According to Brene Brown, acclaimed shame researcher, guilt lets us know when we're not living according to our values and where we may want to change.  She notes that guilt suggests, "I  did something bad" versus shame's conclusion that "I am bad."  Being able to separate one's sense of worthiness from behavior is key in maintaining mental health and making necessary behavioral changes.  Even if we're continually making the same bad choices, it does not mean our behavior is permanently part of who we are-Here's a label...you're a damned soul.  Ms Brown states," When we see positive behavioral changes we can almost always track it back to guilt. "Guilt says, 'I've done something and I'm holding it up against my values-and it doesn't feel right...  Shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change."  With repetitive wrong doing, she asks at what point our assessment shifts from "You've lied" to You're a liar"- or you've done something bad versus you're a bad person.  She suggests" it's that point in which I give up believing you can make different choices."  When a person starts believing the label, how can they make different choices?"

Of course, we can avoid  feeling guilty by placing ourselves in environments with different values and surrounding ourselves with people without expectations-who allow us to do anything we want and be whatever. We can find people without boundaries and limits-who don't say "Here's what's OK, Here's what's not."    We can also numb ourselves to silence the feeling of guilt by engaging in a multitude of unhealthy, unhelpful practices.

We can abandon the idea of coming home all together or connecting with that part of our past or the people who knew us from the beginning. Yet for many, home is symbolic for love and acceptance-a place of beginnings and becomings. It's filled with the people who really know us and love us no matter what;   People who would do anything for us-who want us to succeed and are there for us even when we don't. Home is sacred space-a haven from shame, or at least it should be.

If we can't be home, at least we can call.  But for some, that too induces guilt and shame.  Satan loves shame and tells us we're not worthy to call home through prayer-we're not worthy of any type of connection with our Maker.  He gives us alternative ways to feel good or feel god within us.

Since shame erodes our sense of worthiness for connection, perhaps the trend in new age spirituality is a way to circumvent shame and guilt.  It makes some people feel better to connect with a spirit essence of the universe imposing no laws or will upon them.  Why make all this effort to repent and be clean if God can dwell in a unholy temple anyway?  My body is a temple. Who needs a Savior if you can connect with god without any limits on my behaviors. Why all this holy and worthiness stuff. That's induces shame.  I should be able to connect with the power of the universe regardless-right?   Well then-why even take a bath?  Why even "deck the halls" for special visitors.  Hey-this is me-this is how it is...deal with it. I'm home. I'm here with you.

It's all so confusing.  Nevertheless, I know my Heavenly Father doesn't shame me.  He believes I can change!  He doesn't give up on me!  His calls for my repentance might not be all warm and fuzzy.  These behavioral observations or heavenly feedback may make me feel uncomfortable and yes, at times even guilty.  But I will not confuse that with shame. The antidote for shame is love and empathy. Love washes over any feeling of shame. I receive an amply supply of that feeling through the atonement of Jesus Christ.  He is my perfect empath helping me not only feel at home here on earth, but empowering me on the path leading back to my heavenly home.