Temple Souvenir

 

A couple of people yesterday asked if they could keep their laminated appointment cards as a souvenir from the Provo Temple.  I said "no" in line with our directive that no one was to take anything from the Provo temple for memorabilia.  I am not a rigid, letter of the law kind of gal, but I just couldn't do it.   I did not want them to remember their temple experience in the Provo temple with this cheap man-made item and man-made protocol for giving priority seating to those making appointments for temple service. That's just stupid.  My opinion, I know but you already have your memento if you're wearing your garments.  

As part of my calling as an assistant chapel coordinator, I collected these appointment cards from patrons before they entered the endowment room.  Some thought I was the great ticket taker and if they didn't have their "tile" with the right time listed they couldn't enter the room.  Many would apologize if they left their card somewhere.  One regular patron would always joke, "The dog ate it."  Some would look to me as if they had did something wrong if they didn't have one, as if they were being judged.  

I was looking at them, but not to judge but to visually greet them by making eye contact and smiling.  I saw so many people through the door! The spirit testified of the worth of each soul.  Like counting the Lord's sheep and treasuring each one, no matter their appearance.  I was also looking to see if they had any special needs. 

 As in all areas of the temple, workers are there to help, not judge.  If you forget words, we will help you remember.  If you need something, we will try to get it for you-headsets for translation of the endowment into your own language.  If you want to spend some special time with your family member receiving an ordinance, we'll take you up to have some quiet time together before everyone else arrives.  If you need to use the elevator, we'll help you find your way.  If you are cold, we will get a shawl or bring a bottle of water.  We'll show you to the restroom.  We'll make sure the tissue boxes are full so can use them if moved to tears.  Each detail is designed to improve patron experience.  

At first I was anxious about my calling within the temple since I appreciated the 30 minute rotations to various areas in the building including laundry, locker room, office, baptistry, initiatory, chapel, endowment room, veil, celestial room.  It made the 4-hour work shift go quickly and it did kind of make me feel like an angel flying up and down the stairs from one post to the next.  So the thought of standing still in the chapel for 4 hours seemed like torture. Provo is a standing temple-think sentinel angels don't sit down to take a break. Fortunately, my duties were focused on running around the temple trying to meet needs of patrons and that kept me alert. It was also one of the few posts in the temple where you could occasionally chat with fellow workers and patrons which met my need to socially connect. 

With my aging knees, I learned to fly around the temple using the elevator and hike around the flat circular corridors to accomplish my various tasks.  To myself, I referred to them as my incense burning duties. It wasn't so much about how small and insignificant each duty was, it was where I was serving-in the temple of our God.  It gave me an ample window into this aging temple, one that was literally falling off the mountain and would certainly not be standing when the Savior returns in the Millennium. Yet for an aging temple, it was infused with youthful vitality and color from the missionaries, young students and international patrons.  It was a busy, face paced temple requiring efficiency protocols. 

It's understandable how people wanted to take just about anything from the Provo temple before it was de-commissioned and demolished. The garage sale in me screams, "Well, it's going to be thrown out anyway, why not spread a little joy-let it be used for something different-even something to hold onto to remember this very special building?"

As I've walked the halls of this very unique building (my old bishop referred to it as the "Disco Spaceship Temple") I've had similar thoughts.  What are they going to do with all these beautiful items-crystal chandeliers, antique furniture, marble tiles, artwork, gilded mirrors, etc?  So many precious things.  In a trash heap?  I heard that the minute the Provo temple closed yesterday, crews came to strip the temple and put items locked up in the basement to prevent theft.  I know some of the items will be used in other temples but where is everything really going to end up?  Who will use them?  How will they be used?  So many precious things.  Destroyed perhaps. Transformed for sure. 

The more I think about it, it would probably be right and good, even best to destroy all these precious things and offer them in a huge sacrificial ceremonial fire. That way they would not fall into the hands of someone who did not understanding the nature and purpose of ritualistic worship.  These precious things are certainly not more precious than the life of our Savior.  All things in the temple point to the great and last sacrifice of the Father's beloved son, Jesus Christ.  Most covenant making is done before a symbolic sacrificial altar.  As President Barry stated yesterday, our covenants are not just transactional (we promise to do this and God promises that) but our covenants are transformational.  We are changed through our covenant making and keeping.  We are sanctified.  We become holy.

 I have been changed in my short service in the temple- even if it's only in an attitude that "No, you can't keep your appointment card as a souvenir."  

 

Gift of Clearing

 This morning I was thinking about gifts associated with clearing.  My friend told me about her experience of using her spiritual gifts to clear a Provo building of about 100 cluttered spirits in the attic and help them pass through portals to another world.  She reported how the process took her about 45 minutes and had been a significant spiritual experience for those involved. 

 I was extremely familiar with the recently cleared Gothic building space since I worked there for over a year.  I sure could have used the help of those "100 spirits" as I spent literally weeks organizing 20 years of costumes from that same attic area. I did feel the spirits of all those staff and students who spent so much time and energy bringing the theatrical programs to life.  It was a journey through time but I was never scared or creeped out.  Maybe I should have been, considering there were reports of ghosts in the building but I always felt safe and peaceful.  Besides I was preoccupied with creating order out of chaos.  That's one of my gifts.    

I've utilized the gift several times during the last decades. I did it when my father passed away with his man cave.  I did it with my husband's never-ending parade of possessions during our marriage.  I did it with my uncle's house.  I did it with the basement for a guy I barely knew.  I did it for my daughter from her old house to her new house.  I did it for the art rooms, gym closets, therapy spaces at different facilities.   I did every time I moved from one space to the next. I did it last Sunday at my son's house for his new baby.   It seems like I'm always doing it because, like spirits that keep popping up in various spaces, entropy abounds.  Since we live in a world of tangible things, there are abundant opportunities to clear the way.  Let's have some order here!

But just because I'm good at it, doesn't mean I like it.  I would NEVER do it as a side-gig.  It takes so much out of me!  Though there is some satisfaction in the temporary order, it is mostly an expression of love and appreciation.  Maybe I'm a bit like the spiritualist who told me how much love and peace she felt as she was doing her energy work.  

So how is it done?  It was interesting to learn about some of her spiritual process as she works with the intangible world but I will leave that to her to write about it.  In my work with the tangible world,  I come into a space that is complete chaos. It is completely overwhelming that most people leave it alone, don't approach it or simply learn to live with it. But not for me the clutter whisperer!  Though things are not dead people, each item is certainly connected with life or lives of people who have used the object for some purpose.  Some purposes are easier to guess than others. I throw very little out.  It has to be legit trash. Everything is done with utmost respect for the people involved and their "dead things."

In the case with the haunted costume attic, I can't see dead people, but I can see how some things are alike and how they are different.  Though I'm not coaching ghosts through portals, I can make some type of container for these like items- bags, boxes, closet space, or spots on the floor.   Then I see a vision of how they can be arranged or given a semi-permanent resting place. 

The whole process makes me appreciate each item in guessing what the item was used for, and what it could be used for in the future.  In this case, it was for future use in treatment groups.  The goal is utilize the resources we already have and organize them in a way for quick and efficient retrieval.    With these thoughts in mind, it come down to picking up one item at a time and putting it where it belongs.  Little by little, the pile grows smaller.  The large trash bags that have been sitting there for years, are opened and sorted until there are none and all is put away.  

I remembered the pride I felt about the costume attic when it was put in order.  I even found old pictures of the past theatrical productions and placed them around the room to breathe a little life into the place, though I guess THAT wasn't needed.  

I go tomorrow to pick up a few costume items from the newly "cleared" attic for my program in Millcreek for our celebration of the '80s, '90s, and '00s.  Ironically it is called "Spirit Week."  I have never really considered my abilities surrounding organization as a spiritual gift, but I guess it is.  It's a different kind of clearing.  I clear the way for new possibilities, help people with their stuff and benefit in the process.  

Sealing/Bonding/Binding-The Good Stuff!

 This morning I was thinking about the authority and efficacy of sealing prayers for specific priesthood ordinances in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Though I am not a temple sealer, as a current ordinance worker in the temple, I have been given some authority to seal when doing initiatory ordinances.  It is a significant power and a privilege to pronounce sacred blessings.  Extraordinary words indeed.

Some of the more obvious, outward expressions of joy come from brides and their wedding parties.  Oh, the excitement of young couples coming to the temple to be sealed together for time and all eternity!  It is also a beautiful sight to see young children dressed in white to surround the temple altars to be sealed to their parents.  Both of these happy sights reinforce the wonderous doctrine of the restored church, "Families Can Be Together Forever".  How wonderful!

Of course, it causes pain as well.  Especially considering my personal circumstances.  Like all of us, I want the good stuff too and don't want to miss out on blessings. However, through the years, I've noticed these great promises related to sealed families are providing more hope than pain.

One of my most favorite parts about being an ordinance worker is the prayer meeting to start the 4-hour shift.  I feel like I'm at General Conference being addressed by the most incredible speakers. Yesterday,  in the message from our temple matron, she made reference to how ordinances and covenants bind us to Christ.  It got me thinking about the word "bind".  Surely it's related to the word "bond." 

One of the first tasks of a newborn and its mother is to bond, especially after the cord has been cut.  Throughout the life of a family, people spend enormous amounts of time, energy, and resource for family bonding. We want to be close and connected throughout our life to our loved ones.  These connections often come with strings attached or "expectations."  These expectations can feel binding at times, even restrictive and perhaps a little judgmental.   But we continue to show up and try to meet the expectations because we love our families and want to be with them.  Even if that hoop is on fire, I'm going to jump through it, especially if I think it will help.  And if we say we're going to help, we want our word to be our bond.  They can count on us to "be there."  Bonding and binding are key to a lasting connection.  

Bonding also has reference to the term "sealing."  Whatever the contract, the covenant, I want ut to stick or hold up under pressure- to be efficacious- to actually work.  Trusting in promises requires it.  Magic words are only magic if the desired result is achieved.  If not, I'm just playing pretend with a toy wand and fooling even myself.  But how much power do words really have when it comes to families being together forever?  Sealing power is required along with faithfulness to the covenant being made.   

I'm so grateful sealing power has been restored through the prophet Elijah to truly turn the hearts of the children to their fathers and fathers to their children.  It is a curse to be separated.  It is a waste to be left desolate without root or branch. The destructive forces that tear families apart are devasting to the hearts of men, women, and children.  But what of my heavenly family?  What about my brother, Jesus Christ.  My Heavenly Father?  How do I bond with them? 

The joy I see in the temple each week from earthly families united through sealings is a symbol of the ever inclusive promised celestial union and reunion with our premortal nuclear family.  How happy our Father is when we make an effort to bind ourselves to him.   What pain he must feel when his children don't want to be connected to him for whatever reason.  

Jesus offers love and  acceptance beyond compare. He sees our heart.  He know us perfectly.  He is a merciful judge. The required expectation for a potentially joyful heavenly reunion with Him and our siblings?  Exercising faith in his son, Jesus Christ.  Being faithful to our covenants not only binds us to him but also nurtures our bond with him and shows God we want to be with him too!  We love him too! It's the good stuff for all!

Bohemian Love

This morning I was thinking about love and being ministered to personally by my family while staying in their homes.  As part of my commuter strategy for my new job, I often stay mid week at one of the houses of my relatives- daughters, son, and aunt.  This way, I'm hoping to tread lightly in their personal space and not burn anyone out from continually giving me shelter.  I could commute each day back to Provo, but right now, I don't want to.  It's been most helpful giving additional time to explore Salt Lake and familiarize myself with its' various recreational resources available for my clients.  I am growing to appreciate Salt Lake more as I focus on all the good this fine state has to offer.

 But more than the wealth of natural, cultural, and recreational resources, family members are my greatest resource. Spending time with them individually is a priceless opportunity to be in their presence.  They serve and support me in the most wonderful ways.  It's a new stage in my life as I travel with my carry-on luggage (my knapsack on my back) singing "I am a happy wanderer" while couch surfing with relatives- even though most of the time, I'm in a series of very comfortable beds.

  I bought a brightly colored, bohemian looking bedroll for $7 that's bringing me a lot of joy these days-mostly for the current lifestyle it symbolizes.  It reminds me of my old 70s looking children's sleeping bag with it' brightly colored flowers and print reading, "Blondes are fun, Redheads are for real, and Brunettes are groovy."   Sleeping in the homes of family members truly is "groovy" and these days I'm feeling the love in each one of my temporary living situations.  

My son's house is the most Bohemian in the classic definition of the word, "a socially unconventional person, especially one who is involved in the arts."  His home is so full of life-literally.  He is surrounded by his animal family of dogs and cats as well as the temporary animal tenants from the doggy day care service he supports. These animals are receiving attentive, loving care.  His home is also full of original music, writing and art.  He is continually creating.   He is an amazing one man band. Each nook and cranny tells a story. This rental home will eventually be torn down by the owner to make room for a multi-plex, but in the meantime, it is being filled with life, love, and art.  It is beautiful in an unconventional way.  

 I recently paid for some health services for my son in exchange for massages.  Though he is not a certified massage therapist, in my books he is.  It is precious currency and this energy work takes a lot out of him.  He has to be in a certain frame of mind and sometimes he's just doesn't have the energy.  It is an energy transfer and it is difficult for him to put himself in that situation to take on the pains of someone else when he is already dealing with his own pain.  

So I understood when this week, he said he wasn't really up for a massage.  However, later he stated he could give me 30 minutes.  I am grateful for whatever he can give as I make my way to the massage table.  I've had several professional massages.  They are great but there is something unique about having my son serve me in this fashion; It is truly an unselfish act.  It is an act of love. It is artistic expression.    

He took more than 30 minutes as his massage choreography was perfectly synced to his musical playlist.  He didn't rush through it, put minimal effort into it or do it in a "I have to get this over with" type of attitude.  I am much more selfish and weak when I give massages.  I suck.   He was totally present and considerate.  It fired off so many of my love languages:  acts of service, quality time, touch, and gifts.  For me, it was as tangible as any gift.  It was what he had to offer, and he offered his all, even though he was already emotionally depleted.    I was spiritually touched by his loving ministration to the needs of his mother.  His service was sacred to me.  

It was also symbolic of the loving service I am receiving from so many different hands from other family members.  They are also giving me what they can give. They are personally attending to my individual needs.  It is so much!  I am overwhelmed with their generosity.  I so appreciate each kind act and consideration for my person.  It is a beautiful thing to behold.  It really is a "groovy kind of Bohemian love."   Thank you family! 

My Wonderful Extended Family

 This morning I was thinking about my family.  My nephew's son, Sean Patrick O'Malley (age 16) achieved a perfect score on his SAT exam. As a consequence, Harvard university reached out to him and told him they were interested in his success.  I've told people I know, and people I don't really know about his success.  I'm am not only proud of Sean Patrick, but I take pride in his accomplishments-I own them in part, for he is family and I am part of this great extended O'Malley family.

   When family members make good choices, I rejoice. When good things happen to them, I feel happy.  When they feel happy,   I feel happy with them.   When they make poor choices, I mourn.  When bad things happen, I mourn.  I feel hurt with them.  Their success, is my success.  Their pain is my pain. The stronger the connection, the more I really feel these emotions with them.  The more I am connected to the person, the more I am able to rejoice or mourn.  The more I am connected, the more I care.   The end game is empathy.  It's all about connection.  Or as Brene Brown put it, "Empathy fuels connection."  I believe that. Not saying I always get it right.  At times I stumble in my communication with my loved ones resulting in a major disconnect.  However, I keep trying to increase my empathetic responses. I have lots of good examples to follow.

One powerful example of a connected empathetic family is the Porras Clan.  My daughter married into a wonderful big Mexican family.  Under the direction of their patriarch and matriarch, Alfonso and Alejandra Porras, they get together often to share their lives and care about one another.  They just recently went an amusement park with all the families.  Throughout the year they celebrate and recreate together.  Their large extended family gets together for every birthday complete with large inflatables, amazing food  and homemade piñatas.  I think Alejandra has made over 70 of these masterpieces-one for each child and grandchild over the past 10 years.  Each piñata takes several days to make.  The siblings work together at their father's candy factory.  They also get together to work out at a gym most mornings to support each other with their health goals.  The family all showed up to cheer on Alfonso when he ran his marathon.  All the cousins play soccer together. I could go on an on-and that is not even mentioning the constant stream of everyday service these family members do for each other from cleaning, cooking, babysitting, moving, and financial and emotional support.

  It is absolutely wonderful that my grandchildren are growing up in an extended family.  They love their cousins like brothers.  Each auntie and uncle look after each other's children.  They care about their welfare, sincerely. They spend so much time together that they truly know each others hearts and minds.  It is a family knit together in unity and love.  It is a most valuable social resource.

Extended families who barely get together cannot expect to achieve these results.  Extended families members who refuse to show up will also miss out on the potential of social support as well.  Sometimes infrequent gatherings result in interactions characterized by awkwardness, misunderstandings, competition, comparing, judgment, guilt and shame. In the fervent desire to connect, people stumble and fall, stumble and fail, stumble and disconnect.  I have been in such environments but I have also been in social environments that felt like one big happy Mexican extended family.  Organized religion, or church is one such example in my life.  I can honestly say, I have felt connected to each ward family I have been a member of.  It has truly been one of the most glorious social and spiritual resources in my life.  

One of the reasons I have been going up to Salt Lake so much during the past few months is to help my daughter and her family access valuable resources in her new community including their church. In a perfect world, her new ward, The Butler 3rd ward, can function much like her wonderful Mexican family.  The potential is there for a extended church family.  I just don't think you can have too many people to care about and who in turn can care about you.  Like the aunties looking out for each other's children, the primary leaders and teachers can come to know and love my grandbabies and care for their welfare.  Relative strangers can become spiritual relatives loved as real brothers and sisters. Relief Society and serving others, can give opportunities for my daughter to share her heart and mind and feel truly understood. 

Social support through organized religion in general, is an amazing force throughout the world.  Spirituality can be individual, but fellowship happens in groups-groups of people that many times end up feeling like a family knit together in unity and love.  We can own each others joys and sorrows, successes and failures through empathetic connection.  Ideally, with this connection, we can do something about it to support one another throughout our lives in our big wonderful extended global family.   

 

Have You Tried Your Very Best?

 Recently I had the question posed to me, "Have you tried your very best?"  It was in regards to my marriage. It triggered a series negative emotions, unkind thoughts as well as knee jerk defensive reactions.  It brought to mind a series of questions including, "Have you tried you very best as a woman?  Have you tried your very best as a mom?  Have you tried your very best in the workplace?  Have you tried your very best regarding gospel living?  

It was followed by a comment about the importance of truthfully responding- calling into question my integrity.  Though I had taken offense, the whole experience highlighted one of my core issues of being enough or doing "all I can do" to be acceptable.  This dis-ease comes from being judged and finding myself lacking in one or many areas.  It also alludes to the most important future moment of the final judgement.  How I don't want to be found missing the mark, not being enough, not having done enough, not having really "done my best."  Can't I always do more?  Can't I always be a little better? It's not even really about perfectionism, it's more about giving a quantitative or qualitative rendering of "my best efforts."  

Though this question has lingered in my mind for many years, I remember a sentinel moment where I felt like my question had truly been answered.  It was a giant "AHA" moment combined with an electric confirmation of its' veracity.   It was at a singles conference, of all places.  I actually really liked the EFY sensibility of all the workshops for the older crowd.  I don't know if I've written about this before. If so, I think it's worth repeating.

During the brief talk, the speaker (I can't even remember his name) referenced a scripture, "2 Nephi 25:23: “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” 

He provided insight into the phrase " all we can do."  Instead of emphasizing the unlimited "all" word, the emphasis was on the "we can do"-almost suggesting a limiting quality or finite, sub par performance. He helped me understand that Christ provides the 100% best effort through his atonement.  It's NOT a math equation where I try my best and do 10% and he makes up the difference.  He is the difference.  He makes all the difference.  Doing what "I can do" by exercising faith in his infinite, unlimited atonement enables me to access his complete 100% grace in spite of my limited version of doing my best. 

I will never be enough, but with faith in Him, Jesus Christ, that is completely okay.  He is my judge.  He truly knows the desires of my heart and my sincere efforts to exercise faith in him.  I rely on his judgement.  If there is room for improvement or redirecting my energy, I want to increase my faith, even strive for a more perfect faith in him and his perfect atonement.  

 With increased understanding, I have personally felt the spirit tell me over and over again that I truly am enough.  Others may not agree.  But that's okay. He accepts my offering.  He accepts my efforts as a woman, wife, mother, worker bee, or disciple. I do not have to justify that to anyone. 

Bluebird

 This morning I was thinking about being a true bluebird.  Sometime between kindergarten and first grade, my mother signed me up for bluebirds and volunteered to be the adult leader.  Bluebirds were the youngest age group in the Campfire girls organization, very similar to Girl Scouts.  Our uniforms were red, white, and blue in contrast to the drab brown garb of the “ Brownies” from G S A. Instead of earning patches, we earned beads and placed them on Native American looking gowns and moccasins. Honors were awarded in a “Council Fire” at least that’s what I remember from the lyric from our procession as we sang,“ We come, we come to our council fire, with measure tread and slow, to light the fire of our desire, to light the fire of Wo-He-Lo. Wo-He-Lo, Wo He-Lo!

Though Wo-He-Lo was not a Native American word (it was an acronym for work, health, and love) there were other references to the culture.  The name of our day camp was Camp Suanga and I still have a picture of me holding up an Indian corn husk doll we made there.   I was oblivious to all these themes at the time, but have recently learned more of Native American culture.  I know they sometimes refer to having a spirit animal along with a profound connection to Mother Earth.

My spirit animal is definitely  a blue bird or song bird like the black capped chickadee.  I like to flit about and go all over the place.  So I really wasn’t surprised with my visceral reaction to my recent job interview, work expectations and tour of facility and resources.  Though a generous offer, validation of my profession and a stimulating opportunity, it was not a good fit for me, Little miss Erinbird.   

As I tried to understand the sinking feeling in my gut, the image of a little bird came to mind.  I felt like a canary going down into coal mine to work out the remainder of my days, with clipped wings, in a cage, with limited air and light.  This impressions came as I imagined running processing psychotherapy groups, doing multiple daily assessments, and sharing an office to complete my 3 hour a day worth of documentation.  I really would not be using recreational tasks involving music, art or movement. Space was restricted and resources sparse due to valid safety concerns.  This was the job and I would need to measure up to fit in and meet the established expectations.

Once I turned my attention to the other work opportunity, providing recreational therapy services to 2 separate locations, I started to feel lighter and brighter.   I realized it was an opportunity to make my own schedule and expectations as I set forth to present my proposal to administration.  Though it was uncomfortable and challenging to market myself and what I could potentially do for their organization, I really felt like the cage had been opened and it was time to take flight.  And I did. 

This has been my first week flitting about between campuses. I have been overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude for the wealth of space, resource and supportive work associates to put my plan into action.  My little bluebird heart is singing a happy song.