Being Happy

 This morning I was thinking about being happy.  A friend asked me the other day if I was happy, especially since my circumstances had changed since I last talked to her.  I was single and now I'm married. If she had any idea of how my family circumstances had changed dramatically during the last 4 months, she surely wouldn't have even asked the question.  2021 was a devastating year for my family with a series of unwise choices and unsettling events that would firmly attest to the unhappy state of affairs. Does that wipe out any chance for family happiness?  What can I do differently?  What would I do differently? What I am suppose to do?

I believe happiness is a state is of being rather than a series of events or circumstances to create a desired state.  A state of being is related to the choices I make every day- the habits I form, the character I create through those choices.  I believe there are happy choices to be made everyday.  I think it is possible to be a happy person swimming in a sea of unhappy circumstances.  

Like the plaque hanging on my front door, I "choose happy" everyday.  Not only is it a personal choice to choose happy, but I believe I can choose to live the laws/commandments/principles of truth tied to happiness.  I choose to make and keep happy covenants.  The more of these happy commandments or happy laws I can keep, the more light and truth can fill my body-my very being to BE happy.   I crave light.  Light makes me a happy person.  I want to gather light, gather sunshine, gather happiness every day. 

 But more than following an endless to do list of happy commandments, I have a testimony of Jesus that sees me through the many hard times- He is my safe place.  I choose to believe in Jesus Christ and exercise faith in him. The most important thing I can do to be happy is to strengthen my testimony and seek to be valiant in my testimony of Jesus.  As I do so,  I draw peace and happiness into my soul-daily.  He takes care of my quest for joy and well being. He helps me breathe.  He helps me have hope even in great darkness.  

Though my circumstances change, though I change, though everything I see changes and  crumbles around me, I stand on an island of faith that is firm and unchanging.  I am so grateful for the Rock of my Redeemer.  I rely on it to keep me rooted in truth- my stabilizing influence to manage my torrent of emotions.  Because I know who He is, I have a better idea of who I am and can tap into some of that steadiness.  With this steadiness and enabling power of His atonement , I seek to make the happy choices, day after day, to be true to Him.  I know as I do so, he daily takes care of my happiness-not a someday I'll be happy- but here and now.  I am happy.  

Sometimes people get confused when happy choices of keeping covenants and commandments do not lead to happy circumstances.  It doesn't make sense to them.  Happy choices should have happy consequences-your life should look happy and if it doesn't then you are doing something wrong.  But that surely doesn't take into consideration other people's choices and unfavorable events.  I can pray for them to choose happy choices, I can pray for their favorable circumstances but sometimes the outcomes are out of my reach. Yet there are things I can still do. I can seek light- always.  I can seek truth.  I can be obedient.  I can love without expectation of anything in return.   I can try and help others feel the love of the Lord and reach out in service. 

My circumstances do not control my happiness.  I refuse to let circumstances or the choices of family members control my happiness.  My circumstances do not help me become a happy person. My choices help me become, or be happy.  I choose to believe.  Though circumstances change, I want to be the same ME that believes in Him and His power to save, to redeem and help me BE a BEING of happiness.       

The First Noel

 This morning I was thinking about "The First Noel".  The lyrics explain the history of the first Christmas carol-"The first noel, the angels did say-was to certain poor shepherds in fields where they lay-in fields where they lay keeping their sheep, on a cold winter's nights that was so deep.  Noel, Noel-Noel, Noel- Born is the King of Israel. "  We sang it last week in church as the closing song.  

Earlier in the meeting,  I provided the piano accompaniment for a flute solo in an arrangement of "What Child is This/Coventry Carol."   I played about 70% of the notes correctly but put as much emotion as I could into it. That was to be expected, even with 20 hours of piano practice during the week.  The song was too difficult for my current level of expertise on the piano but I wanted to serve the sister who asked me to help, especially because I was her ministering sister in my previous ward.  Though I am no longer part of the ward, it is my responsibility and privilege to serve-no matter how inconvenient or time consuming.   It was her response to the common practice question, "If there is anything I can do for you-please let me know."  She reached out and I said I would help.  I wanted her to feel loved. Though service meets needs for sure, ultimately, compassionate service amplifies the love of the Lord.  It is His love, not mine.  I don't really even know this sister more than a acquaintance.  

Though I would like to say that it was love that motivated my 20 hours of practice, it was really to avoid public humiliation.  I would be a different pianist if I practiced 20 hours a week on my own, without the threat of making a fool of myself.  I have a process for these piano assignments.   Here it is:

Step 1:  Receive an assignment-selected by other people with a set day for performance- A goal            with a deadline and a line of accountability-or someone I will be reporting to.  This urges me    forward.    

 Step 2:  General Assessment of the piece.  After sight reading the piece, I need to come to the                 conclusion that playing it on the piano is a distinct possibility or "I can do this!"  In this case, I             thought the piece wasn't too hard though that assessment changed as the week progressed. It         seemed impossible.  

Step 3:  Learn the notes-one by one.  Figure it out slowly, page by page. Get the general feeling or     emotional tenor of the song and how it should sound. 

 Step 4:   Link up the learned pages.  Start to play one page after another.

Step 5:  Speed it up.  Look at the tempo and try to follow it with the same emotional expression. This     song was ridiculously fast but since I was accompanying a flute, I didn't want her to struggle with         breath control if I was playing it too slowly.

Step 6:  Learn how to turn my own pages.  Though I used to tape all the pages together or have               someone turn pages for me, I want to follow the example and process of turning pages how       some accomplished pianist do.  I want to self-reliant when I haven't memorized the piece.

Step 7:   Slash and Burn.  Take out problematic parts and make changes (at least to turn the page).  If I'm still getting certain parts wrong after hours of practice- it will only get worse with nerves.  Give    myself a chance to succeed.

Step 8:  Account for performance anxiety.  Though I say I don't care what anyone thinks, I usually do    enough to feel a little nervous about wanting to play it perfectly, or at least do my best.

Step 9:  Don't miss a beat.  If I mess up, go on to the next measure-plow through it and act like it was    supposed to be that way. 

Step 10:  Be an instrument.  After it is done, remind myself of my main goal-to be an instrument in the   of the Master Musician- the Lord.  As an instrument, my musical performance is a vehicle for others    to feel the spirit and increase the spiritual nature of the meeting.  It is to add, not detract. It is not a        vehicle for my own aggrandizement. 

Though it is service, like all service, we are the ones that truly benefit.  We are the ones who grow and change.  I've listened to hundreds of musical numbers throughout the years and I've felt the power of music to make me feel emotion and the spirit of the Lord. But when I'm the person providing the music- I make literal changes in my piano playing ability.  I'm better musician because of the 20+ hours of practice.  I exercised my finger muscles, my brain muscles, my back muscles-and now they are stronger.  But it's more than that.  Though it's my musical gift to give, and I try to give it with much love-I'm the one who ends up feeling loved.  

Like the drummer boy, "I have no gift to give" but I play my best for Him and try to honor Him.  As I sat down after playing this latest piece, I said in my mind, "I love you!" to my God.  My song was for him. I felt his presence and his love.  

When we came to the final song, I started thinking about MY First Noel-the first time I sang this song with my mother in the church pew and all the times since I have sang or played Christmas songs to honor him through the years.  It was a parade of memories of the many instances I have felt the spirit through church music at Christmas time.  It was accompanied by a flood of tears.  I couldn't sing a single word but I felt them.   This latest piano song was yet another Noel to offer praises and affirm what I know to be true, "Born is the King of Israel."