This morning I was thinking about going from point A to B. The big issue this week was dealing with ever recurring car problems and trying to figure out a way to get to work. A neighbor offered to loan me her car as she noticed the tow truck pulling away from my driveway but I ended up working things out by using my daughter's car. It's was a hassle, but I managed to get from point A (home) to point B (work) without too much drama. As I stood at the mechanics counter to settle up, I took note of the quote on top of the invoice reminding everyone of the correlation between proper maintenance and break downs. Yeah, thanks for the extra jab-if paying $250 wasn't pain enough. It's times like these that I consider the benefits of leasing a brand new car and not dealing with all this car hassle. It would probably be cheaper. I hear wonderful tales from the land of lollipops, rainbows, and unicorns where one can live a maintenance free/repair free lifestyle-where car problems are fixed for free-where I can shift responsibility and say- "Hey this your car-so it's your problem". How important is "ownership" anyway? From people I have surveyed the big drawback is having a mileage restriction. Perhaps taking responsibility for my own car problems offers more freedom in the long run. I don't know. I want the freedom and the power to go where I want to go-when I want to go. With gas so cheap right now-it's time to be going...somewhere. If I wish for the power to go, I guess I should also wish for the power to solve problems-and perhaps do more than wishing.
I love the car problem solving duo of "Click and Clack" on public radio. (I was sad to hear of the passing of Tom Magliozzi.) I loved listening to the banter between the brothers. I could always feel their humanity as they tried to diagnose car problems and offer possible solutions. They made problem solving fun and entertaining. Maybe I need to have more of their humorous, wisecracking outlook when approaching my car problems. People who know things about cars are amazing. People who know things about anything are amazing. Knowledge IS power to solve problems-and power-well that's just everything. Without it, we can't go anywhere. Now having power just to rev your engine or go fast down a strip a road-that's just show-off power. Fun, I admit, but pretty useless in the grand scheme of things. But power to solve problems-that's a different story.
This week my co-worker interviewed to get into a Master's Program. It's got us all thinking about where we want to go in our careers. It put a little gas in my tank to spend some time online trying to earn additional CEU's for a possible specialty certificate in Behavioral Health. After listening to a presentation, one is required to take a brief multiple choice test in order to earn credit. Net effectively, I pour a bunch of information into my brain then need to solve problems with this "new" information. I found it curious that one of the most complex presentations (the one where my brain literally hurt trying to keep up) had the shortest, stupidest questions. I guess it was just too much information to really encapsulate in a meaningful quiz. I don't know-whatever. However, the next day at work, some of the concepts came to mind when going about my normal paperwork. The information allowed me to see my world in a different way and make new connections. Perhaps new information will help me solve problems quicker and more effectively. It reminds me of the quote from John Wayne who said "Life is hard-but it's harder for stupid people." I want smarts to solve problems.
People came to Jesus with problems. He used knowledge from on high to address their issues and concerns. He had knowledge for healing. He was the great fixer. After tending to the needs with great power, He instructed others to "go thy way." His knowledge and power helped others to GO. It set them back on the road of life, with working engines. I want to go. Sometimes I don't know exactly where, but I at least want the ability or the power to GO. I don't want to be restricted or stranded. I'm grateful that he shares his knowledge with us-that he encourages us to gain knowledge through study and prayer. He wants me to have knowledge of all things-temporal and spiritual. I can then turn that knowledge into power to solve problems-my problems. And maybe, just maybe, help others solve their problems as we all try to get from point A to point B.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Boundaries and being Bound
This morning I was thinking about boundaries and being bound. Yesterday when preparing to scout a possible sledding location, my intern spoke up and requested to have an additional person with us because it was his personal standard not to be alone with a woman. I was a little defensive at first since I'm about the furthest thing from Potipher's wife that you can imagine and I am extremely protective of all my "intern babies." He is my 6th one (2 females, 4 males). Their safety is paramount and I want them to have a great experience and feel like they can completely trust me. I want them to know I will only ask them to do those things that are in their best interest in helping them become competent recreational therapists. I am also keenly aware of safety protocols. One of the reasons why I love my male interns is because it opens up my RT programming; we can go more places since I can't go off-grounds with our male students without the presence of a male staff. Just finding available staff for students' off grounds programming is hassle enough let alone trying to find an available staff on the clock to accommodate my intern's special request. If I would have known that he would be uncomfortable with our closed door RT office, or pulling his chair close enough to see my computer screen, or just being alone with me at any time- I probably would not have offered him the internship. Though I will honor and respect his boundary limitations and limit our private interactions as much as I can , I told him I expect all my interns to be joined at the hip with me, at least for the first month, as they shadow my every move. That is if they want to go where I go-do what I do-and be what I am (a Recreation Therapist). We are bound together for the next 4 months. It's going to be a great journey.
I have my own boundaries, emotional and physical. I know there are some lines you just don't cross. Sometimes with a smile, I will push boundaries and go too fast-like when I ask too many personal questions in rapid succession. I'm a touchy person, with pats on the back, touching arms, or giving side hugs to my students. It was no mistake being sent to Spain on my mission; on the whole, they are an open culture of physically friendly people who greet each other and say good bye with customary hugs and kisses. At the same time, I do not expect others to be the same way and I have to be careful not to not invade their space. I've also been more aware of my own boundaries and I'm not afraid to defend them. Though I think I may have offended this dude I met at a dance, I didn't feel bad refusing a New Year's Eve kiss. I know holiday kisses with complete strangers are more "fun" than grand gestures of trust. But this time around, I'm sticking close to my own personal standards, and I don't care if they sound prudish or silly. I don't want to cross the line. It's not that I couldn't cross the line-I definitely have the freedom to do whatever I want. I just don't want to. I want to control myself. My desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set. Instead of feeling fettered by restrictions, I think honoring these boundaries will provide me with the freedom to really go where I want to go. Every relationship seems to take me somewhere, and I'm not talking about "going all the way"-70's reference included. In some relationships, I have felt like I was on the wrong train and didn't want to go where it was leading-so I jumped off, rolled on the ground and watched the train pulling away saying, "Phew!- I'm so glad I'm not on that train!"
"
As I think of being bound to covenants, I think of having perfect integrity; if I say I'm not going to cross the line-then I do not cross the line. No one forces me, I just choose to stay in the boundaries. It's kind of like the honor quote from Karl G. Maeser: "Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground--there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first!"
I know my word can be my bond-especially my word to be voluntarily bound by sacred covenants- to be worthy of His trust. The Lord says, "I am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." I love how I can completely trust him and he will not ask me to do anything that is not in my best interest. He wants me to be joined at the hip with Him so I will be able to go where he goes, do what he does, be like him. I want to be bound together with him.
I have my own boundaries, emotional and physical. I know there are some lines you just don't cross. Sometimes with a smile, I will push boundaries and go too fast-like when I ask too many personal questions in rapid succession. I'm a touchy person, with pats on the back, touching arms, or giving side hugs to my students. It was no mistake being sent to Spain on my mission; on the whole, they are an open culture of physically friendly people who greet each other and say good bye with customary hugs and kisses. At the same time, I do not expect others to be the same way and I have to be careful not to not invade their space. I've also been more aware of my own boundaries and I'm not afraid to defend them. Though I think I may have offended this dude I met at a dance, I didn't feel bad refusing a New Year's Eve kiss. I know holiday kisses with complete strangers are more "fun" than grand gestures of trust. But this time around, I'm sticking close to my own personal standards, and I don't care if they sound prudish or silly. I don't want to cross the line. It's not that I couldn't cross the line-I definitely have the freedom to do whatever I want. I just don't want to. I want to control myself. My desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set. Instead of feeling fettered by restrictions, I think honoring these boundaries will provide me with the freedom to really go where I want to go. Every relationship seems to take me somewhere, and I'm not talking about "going all the way"-70's reference included. In some relationships, I have felt like I was on the wrong train and didn't want to go where it was leading-so I jumped off, rolled on the ground and watched the train pulling away saying, "Phew!- I'm so glad I'm not on that train!"
"
As I think of being bound to covenants, I think of having perfect integrity; if I say I'm not going to cross the line-then I do not cross the line. No one forces me, I just choose to stay in the boundaries. It's kind of like the honor quote from Karl G. Maeser: "Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground--there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first!"
I know my word can be my bond-especially my word to be voluntarily bound by sacred covenants- to be worthy of His trust. The Lord says, "I am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." I love how I can completely trust him and he will not ask me to do anything that is not in my best interest. He wants me to be joined at the hip with Him so I will be able to go where he goes, do what he does, be like him. I want to be bound together with him.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Games and Players
This morning I was thinking about applications, games and players. My thoughtful children bought me my first smart phone this Christmas and I've been enjoying all sorts of "apps". It's fun to listen to "Gospel Library"while driving to work. It was fun to use "Pandora"for my students' karaoke/dance party last night. I've also been playing around with the local dating application called "Tinder" I think it's fitting how it is represented by a "flame" icon-just because it can be so dangerous and easy to get burned. It is literally like playing with fire. So when opening up the application for the first time, I was faced with big screen faces-right in front of me-real lives. I was scared to death and deleted the first 30 men as my knee jerk reaction. Yikes! Then my sons grabbed my phone and started doing all sorts of things with my screen and I started getting matches and messages, and even found a guy that I knew to be perfectly safe and normal but it was all so fast and I had to just say, "STOP"-slow this thing down. So the next day, I deleted my account, signed up again, and took it at my pace. I wanted to be the one in control, even if I did end up losing my one normal, safe guy in the process. And like fire, it's best when you can control it instead of letting it ravage the countryside.
So like all applications, I had to figure out how it works. What are the "rules". I learned that texting is a necessary rule for Tinder. I'm getting all sorts of practice not only texting but trying to think on my feet-to free associate quickly-to shoot the breeze. I am super good at talking about nothing for hours (a skill I've honed talking to relatives over the years). I stay away from the personal questions, though I'm pretty good at digging deep quickly. From my last relationship, I also realized that when the conversation ends-the relationship is dying. Kind of like that Weezer lyric, "There may come a day when we have nothing left to say... and I'll say GO-if you wondering if I want you to-I want you to." So what do I want with this whole Tinder thing anyway? What's the object of the game? I answered my own question with one of my Tinder text messages. One guy was saying that I probably wouldn't "like" him because he wasn't LDS. I mentioned I have all sorts of friends that aren't Mormons; it just depends what his Tinder goal are-have sex, get married, find a soul mate, hang out-whatever. I'm looking for safe, fun, friends and willing to peel off a little bit of my TV watching time to text real live people and reach out to connect. In the whole social arena, I'm trying to decide how much of my resources of time, money, and energy to invest. But if I invest nothing, I can be certain of no returns. And yet when I do invest, I get the peanut gallery telling me I'm a player. It is a game-a dangerous game. I can certainly relate to the Taylor Swift pop song of having a "blank space" and being willing to write someone in. But what am I really trying to accomplish? It gets back to the object of the game sentiment.
I continue to hate board games or gaming in general. Like puzzles, though I see the benefits in building relationships, creating shared experiences, improving thinking abilities and problem solving, laughing, enjoying each others' company or even winning big money. I prefer to use my time, energy, and money in different ways. I must have some ADHD because I never took the time to read the rules on the box, let alone understand them. I was an impatient little girl-Just show me how to play, explain it in your own words. Just tell me about the object. Tell me what I'm suppose to do. At the same time I have this streak of ODD that screams, "Don't tell me what to do. Let's make our own rules. I don't want to have to wait my turn. The object of the game is stupid. " Sounds pretty conflicted.
I know it sounds silly, but every time I swipe my debit card at a gas pump or even at the store, I look at the display and think one day it will say, "GAME OVER." I guess it's just because I realize I need resources to keep moving forward-resources of time, money, energy. Like the earth, I too have limited resources- I'm glad I'm still in the game of life. I want to keep playing. When choosing my game piece, I want the cute little "dog" instead of the "thimble". I want to pass go and collect 200$. I don't want to spin my wheels in jail. It don't want to land on "Park Place" unless I own it. But this game, the game I'm playing is REAL. I love how we get to decide what to do with our blank spaces-each and every calendar day for 2015. We decide how we are going to play it. I'm grateful that I understand the object of my existence. I am grateful for the written rules and commandments. I'm grateful to a Savior and the Holy Ghost who show me how to play instead of trying to understand the fine print on my own. I am grateful to be a player and I want to play HIS game-for real, for keeps, forever.
So like all applications, I had to figure out how it works. What are the "rules". I learned that texting is a necessary rule for Tinder. I'm getting all sorts of practice not only texting but trying to think on my feet-to free associate quickly-to shoot the breeze. I am super good at talking about nothing for hours (a skill I've honed talking to relatives over the years). I stay away from the personal questions, though I'm pretty good at digging deep quickly. From my last relationship, I also realized that when the conversation ends-the relationship is dying. Kind of like that Weezer lyric, "There may come a day when we have nothing left to say... and I'll say GO-if you wondering if I want you to-I want you to." So what do I want with this whole Tinder thing anyway? What's the object of the game? I answered my own question with one of my Tinder text messages. One guy was saying that I probably wouldn't "like" him because he wasn't LDS. I mentioned I have all sorts of friends that aren't Mormons; it just depends what his Tinder goal are-have sex, get married, find a soul mate, hang out-whatever. I'm looking for safe, fun, friends and willing to peel off a little bit of my TV watching time to text real live people and reach out to connect. In the whole social arena, I'm trying to decide how much of my resources of time, money, and energy to invest. But if I invest nothing, I can be certain of no returns. And yet when I do invest, I get the peanut gallery telling me I'm a player. It is a game-a dangerous game. I can certainly relate to the Taylor Swift pop song of having a "blank space" and being willing to write someone in. But what am I really trying to accomplish? It gets back to the object of the game sentiment.
I continue to hate board games or gaming in general. Like puzzles, though I see the benefits in building relationships, creating shared experiences, improving thinking abilities and problem solving, laughing, enjoying each others' company or even winning big money. I prefer to use my time, energy, and money in different ways. I must have some ADHD because I never took the time to read the rules on the box, let alone understand them. I was an impatient little girl-Just show me how to play, explain it in your own words. Just tell me about the object. Tell me what I'm suppose to do. At the same time I have this streak of ODD that screams, "Don't tell me what to do. Let's make our own rules. I don't want to have to wait my turn. The object of the game is stupid. " Sounds pretty conflicted.
I know it sounds silly, but every time I swipe my debit card at a gas pump or even at the store, I look at the display and think one day it will say, "GAME OVER." I guess it's just because I realize I need resources to keep moving forward-resources of time, money, energy. Like the earth, I too have limited resources- I'm glad I'm still in the game of life. I want to keep playing. When choosing my game piece, I want the cute little "dog" instead of the "thimble". I want to pass go and collect 200$. I don't want to spin my wheels in jail. It don't want to land on "Park Place" unless I own it. But this game, the game I'm playing is REAL. I love how we get to decide what to do with our blank spaces-each and every calendar day for 2015. We decide how we are going to play it. I'm grateful that I understand the object of my existence. I am grateful for the written rules and commandments. I'm grateful to a Savior and the Holy Ghost who show me how to play instead of trying to understand the fine print on my own. I am grateful to be a player and I want to play HIS game-for real, for keeps, forever.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
I Want to Go HOME!
This morning I was thinking how children feel as they spend Christmas away from their families. This was brought into sharp focus as I tried to spread Christmas cheer by taking a load of students to see some Christmas lights this month. I thought they would enjoy a dazzling display of synchronized lights & music but one little girl burst into tears, triggered by a family memory, and had a melt down as she cried, "I want to go home! I want to be with my family!" I mean who wouldn't? Who wants to be in a treatment center at Christmas? Our population is becoming more acute and as such, the majority of the children will not be home for Christmas. In some cases our students are really orphans that no one wants-adoptions gone bad-wards of the state-bounced and thrown out of foster homes, families that don't want them back because they're afraid for their own safety, parents without parental rights, parents in prison, parents dead from drug overdose etc. etc. It's no wonder that those who feel no one cares about them often have sociopathic tendencies. Their clinical histories break my heart. Being separated from loved ones-or not even having loved ones in the first place, is ultimate pain, especially at Christmas time.
I feel my childrens' pain from being separated from their father during the last 7 years. Big events trigger them-like Christmas, other family holidays, or important events like graduation, reunions, funerals, marriages-events where families should be together. Someday when my children get married, I would LOVE for all of my family to be surrounding the altar of the temple to witness the sealing. However, it is even more important to have Father in Heaven witness his children entering into temple covenants, including eternal marriage. This is the crowning ordinance made possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. God understands that separation from loved ones=PAIN. Whether that separation comes because of our own choices, like the unsafe behavior of my students such as assault, sexual perpetration, running away, self-harm/suicidal gestures, or behavior of others that lands them in prison. Here at the Mowen household- we know separation-and it's no fun, however, it is also teaching us, up close and personal, about SEPARATION vs. Being TOGETHER FOREVER.
Heavenly Father also does not want me to be separated from him-how he wants me to WANT HIM to be present. I'm sure this separation hurts Him way more than it does me just because he actually remembers our previous relationship. Whereas, I have a veil of forgetfulness so I do not remember how close I was to him-what our family relationship was like when I lived with Him before I came to earth. This veil of forgetfulness not only helps me act in faith, but it also protects me from the PAIN of separation I would surely feel if I could only remember Father-and Mother for that matter. I'm like an orphan, but I don't even know it. If I had a magic wand full of forgetful pixie dust, I still couldn't sprinkle it on those sweet children from work even though I'm sure it would help ease their pain of separation at Christmas. Instead, I distract them with FUN. It helps-kind of. But from day one-we are planning discharge and reunification with family. That's what it's all about-being with family-enjoying each others' presence-that IS Christmas morning.
I feel my childrens' pain from being separated from their father during the last 7 years. Big events trigger them-like Christmas, other family holidays, or important events like graduation, reunions, funerals, marriages-events where families should be together. Someday when my children get married, I would LOVE for all of my family to be surrounding the altar of the temple to witness the sealing. However, it is even more important to have Father in Heaven witness his children entering into temple covenants, including eternal marriage. This is the crowning ordinance made possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. God understands that separation from loved ones=PAIN. Whether that separation comes because of our own choices, like the unsafe behavior of my students such as assault, sexual perpetration, running away, self-harm/suicidal gestures, or behavior of others that lands them in prison. Here at the Mowen household- we know separation-and it's no fun, however, it is also teaching us, up close and personal, about SEPARATION vs. Being TOGETHER FOREVER.
Heavenly Father also does not want me to be separated from him-how he wants me to WANT HIM to be present. I'm sure this separation hurts Him way more than it does me just because he actually remembers our previous relationship. Whereas, I have a veil of forgetfulness so I do not remember how close I was to him-what our family relationship was like when I lived with Him before I came to earth. This veil of forgetfulness not only helps me act in faith, but it also protects me from the PAIN of separation I would surely feel if I could only remember Father-and Mother for that matter. I'm like an orphan, but I don't even know it. If I had a magic wand full of forgetful pixie dust, I still couldn't sprinkle it on those sweet children from work even though I'm sure it would help ease their pain of separation at Christmas. Instead, I distract them with FUN. It helps-kind of. But from day one-we are planning discharge and reunification with family. That's what it's all about-being with family-enjoying each others' presence-that IS Christmas morning.
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Behold the Magic Cleaning Power of Slip
This morning I was thinking when being slippery is actually a good thing. I happened upon this discovery while cleaning my bathtub. I love those Magic Eraser things and decided to rub down the bath walls with soap first-just because. I was AMAZED at how the bathtub rings slipped off-effortlessly. I mean those magic eraser things work great alone-but with soap-it truly was magic. It reminded me of a lecture we had from the nurses about the importance of washing your hands while singing the ABC song twice; you need to spend the necessary time using soap, rubbing and rinsing with water not to kill the germs but to help germs actually SLIP off. This is the magic cleaning power of slip.
I certainly know that being slippery isn't always a good thing-especially when it comes to "getting a grip" on reality. It can be a scary thing when important things slip my mind-I forget. It seems to be one of the greatest fears of growing old-just losing my mind-piece by piece as it slips away. I remember having a conversation with my mom about the possibility of experiencing some type of dementia in the future. Her response was something like, "Oh I hope when I've lost almost everything that I lose my mind as well so I won't know what's going on-that way I'll be a lot happier because I'll be oblivious to my plight. " Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Forgetting can be a protection against harsh realities of loss. Every school kid has used the excuse, "Oh I lost my homework- or I forgot my paper at home" in hopes of being given a break. I know when I use the excuse "I forgot about it-it slipped my mind" people tend to be a little more forgiving (even though they may think I'm a flake, an airhead, or just plain stupid.
Lack of intelligence (a low IQ) has long been a symptom of people with intellectual disabilities. As we were trying to help our students see outside themselves, we had an opportunity to volunteer at a recreation center for adults who were mentally retarded. I wanted my students to have a greater appreciation for this population and reach out in friendship. I especially noted the example of joyful exuberance from 2 wonderful ladies I was sitting near. One wore Disneyland mouse-ears and was constantly distracted and delighted by the sighted of school buses passing by the window. In fact, she thought I was "cool" because I worked at a school that had 2 yellow school buses. The other gal wore a homemade Christmas hat with what could only be termed as an "ugly sweater". She caught my attention as she sang loudly, shook her rhythmic shaker, and danced in her seat to the music being played by the high school jazz band. Both gals were completely CONFIDENT about their appearance. Both gals were JOYFUL. Both gals were reacting to their environment with childlike DELIGHT. I could tell they could absolutely care less about the judgements or criticism of others because they were unaware of those judgements. They also lacked critical thinking to evaluate the quality of the musical performance. They were mindful-living in the present-delighted in what they saw and heard. I was inspired by their INNOCENCE.
It reminded me of a metaphor one of our therapist uses to "put on your raincoat" and not let the words or judgements of others stick to you. Sticks and stones can't hurt you if they slide right off. In legal world- prosecutors want charges to stick-they don't want the offender to slip away or be held guiltless of alleged crimes. Yet from a defendant's perspective-they want to be cleared of charges-they don't want things to stick. They want to be held guiltless and not accountable. Ultimately they want to be found innocent. One of the most profound moments in all my legal proceedings surrounding my x husband's business dealings, was when the judge read my mind and heart and told the court what he thought regarding my involvement. He noted how I probably trusted my husband and thought it was his money and how I may have been more of a victim than an accomplice. His words and the effect of his words allowed me as a relief defendant to only relinquish monies that were currently in my annuity and not be saddled with additional amounts lost in the annuity from the financial crash of 08-09. This was huge relief. But more than the actual financial easing-the court experience with this judge gave me this feeling of innocence that I will never forget.
Forgetting about injustices or ways others have offended me helps wash away their guilt. When others apologize, I like to say, "Forget about it. It helps reaffirm my desire to be found guiltless at the judgement bar of God. I love the promise that if we repent of our sins relying on the Savior's atonement "the same is cforgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more." Forgetting isn't such a bad thing either. Sins can slip away because of the cleansing power of the atonement. Behold the Magic Cleaning Power of Slip!
I certainly know that being slippery isn't always a good thing-especially when it comes to "getting a grip" on reality. It can be a scary thing when important things slip my mind-I forget. It seems to be one of the greatest fears of growing old-just losing my mind-piece by piece as it slips away. I remember having a conversation with my mom about the possibility of experiencing some type of dementia in the future. Her response was something like, "Oh I hope when I've lost almost everything that I lose my mind as well so I won't know what's going on-that way I'll be a lot happier because I'll be oblivious to my plight. " Awareness isn't all it's cracked up to be. Forgetting can be a protection against harsh realities of loss. Every school kid has used the excuse, "Oh I lost my homework- or I forgot my paper at home" in hopes of being given a break. I know when I use the excuse "I forgot about it-it slipped my mind" people tend to be a little more forgiving (even though they may think I'm a flake, an airhead, or just plain stupid.
Lack of intelligence (a low IQ) has long been a symptom of people with intellectual disabilities. As we were trying to help our students see outside themselves, we had an opportunity to volunteer at a recreation center for adults who were mentally retarded. I wanted my students to have a greater appreciation for this population and reach out in friendship. I especially noted the example of joyful exuberance from 2 wonderful ladies I was sitting near. One wore Disneyland mouse-ears and was constantly distracted and delighted by the sighted of school buses passing by the window. In fact, she thought I was "cool" because I worked at a school that had 2 yellow school buses. The other gal wore a homemade Christmas hat with what could only be termed as an "ugly sweater". She caught my attention as she sang loudly, shook her rhythmic shaker, and danced in her seat to the music being played by the high school jazz band. Both gals were completely CONFIDENT about their appearance. Both gals were JOYFUL. Both gals were reacting to their environment with childlike DELIGHT. I could tell they could absolutely care less about the judgements or criticism of others because they were unaware of those judgements. They also lacked critical thinking to evaluate the quality of the musical performance. They were mindful-living in the present-delighted in what they saw and heard. I was inspired by their INNOCENCE.
It reminded me of a metaphor one of our therapist uses to "put on your raincoat" and not let the words or judgements of others stick to you. Sticks and stones can't hurt you if they slide right off. In legal world- prosecutors want charges to stick-they don't want the offender to slip away or be held guiltless of alleged crimes. Yet from a defendant's perspective-they want to be cleared of charges-they don't want things to stick. They want to be held guiltless and not accountable. Ultimately they want to be found innocent. One of the most profound moments in all my legal proceedings surrounding my x husband's business dealings, was when the judge read my mind and heart and told the court what he thought regarding my involvement. He noted how I probably trusted my husband and thought it was his money and how I may have been more of a victim than an accomplice. His words and the effect of his words allowed me as a relief defendant to only relinquish monies that were currently in my annuity and not be saddled with additional amounts lost in the annuity from the financial crash of 08-09. This was huge relief. But more than the actual financial easing-the court experience with this judge gave me this feeling of innocence that I will never forget.
Forgetting about injustices or ways others have offended me helps wash away their guilt. When others apologize, I like to say, "Forget about it. It helps reaffirm my desire to be found guiltless at the judgement bar of God. I love the promise that if we repent of our sins relying on the Savior's atonement "the same is cforgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more." Forgetting isn't such a bad thing either. Sins can slip away because of the cleansing power of the atonement. Behold the Magic Cleaning Power of Slip!
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Simple Wordly Stuff
This morning I was thinking about my cute little Christmas tree. It is the leftover top portion from our large family Costco lighted tree we crammed into my condo last year. It was no easy task since I had to free it from the tangle of lights. But this year, instead wrestling with the big tree and decorating it, I just stuck the top part in a pot, put it on the glass coffee table and called it good. I threw a string of lights on hung a sample of all of Grandma B's keepsake ornaments and then wrapped Cassia's homemade quilted Santa runner around the base of the pot. My daughter reaction..."Well, that's cute but that's only the Thanksgiving tree-right?" I said, "Nope-that's it." I referred her to the carefully placed block sign reading, "Simplify." That's my theme-this year.
Taking inspiration from the theme, I threw together a simple Christmas celebration for my son on Thanksgiving night since he will not be here later this month. I guess Thanksgiving and Christmas in one day isn't so simple, and my children were mad that they weren't given sufficient warning to thoughtfully buy their brother his Christmas presents, but I did it anyway. I went to our ghost-town Shopko, which come to find is AWESOME for shopping Black Friday Deals in 1 HOUR, wrapped his presents and stuck them under the tree. My children didn't all arrive until about 11 p.m but we gathered and it was good. I did my traditional poem/song lesson thing, we opened gifts, and then Chase sang and played the guitar for us till about 1:00 a.m. It felt like Christmas to me and perhaps it did for my son as well, even though he accidentally left his box of presents in the driveway while loading his car. I don't think the gifts were exactly what he needed and wanted-but I wanted to make some type of gesture to show my love for him during the holidays, even if it was completely haphazard.
As a parent, one of the most complex and stressful parts about Christmas is getting the "perfect" gift for each child-the one that will get the magical reaction of being "exactly what they wanted." It is the most satisfying aspect of watching them open their presents. I usually like to orchestrate the whole event by starting slowly with things they need (like underwear) and ending on a dramatic crescendo with the GIFT! It's not easy to do, and sometimes it's hit or miss. In regards to dollars and cents-helping them out with their stupid cell phones, car problems, school expenses or credit issues-could easily count as "the gift"- That's your Christmas-enjoy it. However, I like to be able to help. I can't always help. I definitely cannot give them everything they want and need-These days I can only make simple gestures toward that end. And in the end all this "stuff" is just a symbol of my love and my desire to give my children THE WORLD.
My children's father was like that- he wanted to give his children the world because he truly loved them. No matter how much money we had, Christmas was always a greed frenzy-so many gifts-so over the top-so much stuff-even if it was all from the thrift store. His love strategy was stuff. My love strategy has never been stuff. In fact, at times during our marriage, I felt like I was drowning in stuff-and come to find out, most of the stuff wasn't even ours in the first place. I could write volumes about what I have learned about the stuff. I became an expert on the psychology of “stuff”through exposure and observation- by feeling it, touching it, organizing it, buying it, looking at it, thinking about it, carting it around, and GETTING RID OF IT. Stuff is complex-getting rid of it the excess is one of the most basic ways to simplify. At least this helps me so I can be a better steward over what I already have.
Nevertheless, simply saying, "I Love You" with a barren tree without any gifts under it wouldn't go over too well with the kids. I'm glad we can try to wrap that love up in box accompanied with our desire to give the children all the stuff in the world-both tangible and intangible good things of the earth. After all, God gave us stuff. The scriptures state, "I stretched out the heavens, and build the earth, my very handiwork; and all things are mine and it is my purpose to provide...for the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yeah I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves." How grateful I am that God gave each of his children THE WORLD. And though I hate stuff at times, I love it too, especially the gesture of gift giving and the symbols represented by stuff-even if it's just simple stuff.
Taking inspiration from the theme, I threw together a simple Christmas celebration for my son on Thanksgiving night since he will not be here later this month. I guess Thanksgiving and Christmas in one day isn't so simple, and my children were mad that they weren't given sufficient warning to thoughtfully buy their brother his Christmas presents, but I did it anyway. I went to our ghost-town Shopko, which come to find is AWESOME for shopping Black Friday Deals in 1 HOUR, wrapped his presents and stuck them under the tree. My children didn't all arrive until about 11 p.m but we gathered and it was good. I did my traditional poem/song lesson thing, we opened gifts, and then Chase sang and played the guitar for us till about 1:00 a.m. It felt like Christmas to me and perhaps it did for my son as well, even though he accidentally left his box of presents in the driveway while loading his car. I don't think the gifts were exactly what he needed and wanted-but I wanted to make some type of gesture to show my love for him during the holidays, even if it was completely haphazard.
As a parent, one of the most complex and stressful parts about Christmas is getting the "perfect" gift for each child-the one that will get the magical reaction of being "exactly what they wanted." It is the most satisfying aspect of watching them open their presents. I usually like to orchestrate the whole event by starting slowly with things they need (like underwear) and ending on a dramatic crescendo with the GIFT! It's not easy to do, and sometimes it's hit or miss. In regards to dollars and cents-helping them out with their stupid cell phones, car problems, school expenses or credit issues-could easily count as "the gift"- That's your Christmas-enjoy it. However, I like to be able to help. I can't always help. I definitely cannot give them everything they want and need-These days I can only make simple gestures toward that end. And in the end all this "stuff" is just a symbol of my love and my desire to give my children THE WORLD.
My children's father was like that- he wanted to give his children the world because he truly loved them. No matter how much money we had, Christmas was always a greed frenzy-so many gifts-so over the top-so much stuff-even if it was all from the thrift store. His love strategy was stuff. My love strategy has never been stuff. In fact, at times during our marriage, I felt like I was drowning in stuff-and come to find out, most of the stuff wasn't even ours in the first place. I could write volumes about what I have learned about the stuff. I became an expert on the psychology of “stuff”through exposure and observation- by feeling it, touching it, organizing it, buying it, looking at it, thinking about it, carting it around, and GETTING RID OF IT. Stuff is complex-getting rid of it the excess is one of the most basic ways to simplify. At least this helps me so I can be a better steward over what I already have.
Nevertheless, simply saying, "I Love You" with a barren tree without any gifts under it wouldn't go over too well with the kids. I'm glad we can try to wrap that love up in box accompanied with our desire to give the children all the stuff in the world-both tangible and intangible good things of the earth. After all, God gave us stuff. The scriptures state, "I stretched out the heavens, and build the earth, my very handiwork; and all things are mine and it is my purpose to provide...for the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yeah I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves." How grateful I am that God gave each of his children THE WORLD. And though I hate stuff at times, I love it too, especially the gesture of gift giving and the symbols represented by stuff-even if it's just simple stuff.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Family Tree Pictures/Gathering
This morning I was thinking about all the hassle this week to bring to pass one simple task- a family picture. I mean- How hard is it? Turns out- harder than expected trying to gather my not so little ones and have them stand in the same place and look "happy" takes the patience of Job. First challenge was getting all 5 children under the same roof again. They have scattered with the wind during the last 5 years. With my daughter living in Japan for 2 years, son in Los Angeles, and others in college towns in Southern Utah-we just haven't been all together for a long time. I know it will get worse as they start their careers and families. This is normal-I know. But when families gather- Oh what a blessing. It is the BEST Christmas present ever. It's hard to describe the overwhelming mother-hen feeling washing over me when all my "chickies" are safe and asleep in my little house. Of course, on the flip side, these sleeping chickens are no early morning roosters. I thought I gave them plenty of time to get up, get ready, take family pictures, and be off to our Thanksgiving feast in time, but I was wrong. Guess trying to wake them up at the crack of 12:30 p.m is too early.
I tried the gentle reminders- Hey this is my only Christmas present-could you please get up so we can take our family picture-just wear black and jeans-here's some extra clothes if you need them. I even took off my own pants and gave them to one son who apparently did not get the message about the jeans. I urged my sons to shave their "mexi-staches" and wash their hair-anything to just look a little more presentable. After 2 hours of coaxing them I finally gave up with the idea of being on time to our commitment. It brought back "good mommy memories" of trying to get my children out of bed for school and church. I guess those mother hen feelings about her chickies aren't as warm and fuzzy as the safely in the nest theme; it's more like trying to herd cats. Of course I didn't make it any easier by suggesting that my boys climb into a tree for the pictures. I thought it would be a good symbol for our "family tree". My instagram daughter was horrified at the photo composition and kept complaining about how stupid these pictures were going to turn out. She referred to it as being too 70's cliche- I tried to guilt them into submission by reminding them that this was the only Christmas present I wanted- a family picture-and I wanted one picture of them in a tree.
God wants his family picture too. This I know. I'm part of this great gathering of God's family tree. It is most difficult to gather scattered Israel and get us all back under the same roof. Like my children- I am hard to wake, keep sleeping and ignore his voice-all the time. I'm resistant to making changes in my appearance and behavior. When asked to keep a particular commandment or "climb a tree" I question the command with "Really?" That's just stupid. And then there's the smiling part. He not only wants me to appear happy-he wants it to be a genuine smile-the outward reflecting my true inner self. The whole point of gospel covenants is to "be together." I mention it in a song lyric, "Gathered families saved from sin." We want to be gathered together as one big happy family. This concept of family gathering-so prevalent at Thanksgiving and Christmas, is so wonderful, it's no wonder I want to capture it, preserve it- even if it's for a small moment-in a family picture. I'm in good company.
I tried the gentle reminders- Hey this is my only Christmas present-could you please get up so we can take our family picture-just wear black and jeans-here's some extra clothes if you need them. I even took off my own pants and gave them to one son who apparently did not get the message about the jeans. I urged my sons to shave their "mexi-staches" and wash their hair-anything to just look a little more presentable. After 2 hours of coaxing them I finally gave up with the idea of being on time to our commitment. It brought back "good mommy memories" of trying to get my children out of bed for school and church. I guess those mother hen feelings about her chickies aren't as warm and fuzzy as the safely in the nest theme; it's more like trying to herd cats. Of course I didn't make it any easier by suggesting that my boys climb into a tree for the pictures. I thought it would be a good symbol for our "family tree". My instagram daughter was horrified at the photo composition and kept complaining about how stupid these pictures were going to turn out. She referred to it as being too 70's cliche- I tried to guilt them into submission by reminding them that this was the only Christmas present I wanted- a family picture-and I wanted one picture of them in a tree.
Last challenge was just trying to get them to smile. I even resorted to tickling my son. It's hard to capture the best for each person in a group picture. There's bound to be a least one person who looks terrible. In the end-I just had to settle for a good-enough family picture. It's not quite what I expected, but hey-we're all together- And that's the point. The whole experience made me think of the scripture, "how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not." I love the follow up scripture in 3 Nephi: "O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart. But if not, O house of Israel, the places of your dwellings shall become desolate until the time of the fulfilling of the covenant to your fathers."
God wants his family picture too. This I know. I'm part of this great gathering of God's family tree. It is most difficult to gather scattered Israel and get us all back under the same roof. Like my children- I am hard to wake, keep sleeping and ignore his voice-all the time. I'm resistant to making changes in my appearance and behavior. When asked to keep a particular commandment or "climb a tree" I question the command with "Really?" That's just stupid. And then there's the smiling part. He not only wants me to appear happy-he wants it to be a genuine smile-the outward reflecting my true inner self. The whole point of gospel covenants is to "be together." I mention it in a song lyric, "Gathered families saved from sin." We want to be gathered together as one big happy family. This concept of family gathering-so prevalent at Thanksgiving and Christmas, is so wonderful, it's no wonder I want to capture it, preserve it- even if it's for a small moment-in a family picture. I'm in good company.
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