This morning I was thinking about what I pay attention to. My boss is really good at paying attention to each detail- right down to the blue tape perfectly positioned on each newly washed water bottle and then carefully placed in their matching carriers. This was done all for me, in an effort to make my life easier for the snowshoeing adventure with the students. She surely knew I wouldn't do it. My attention to detail isn't so great. I'm just lucky if I return to campus WITH the water bottles or matching sets of gloves. It's almost like the missing socks in the dryer every day for me. I try. I'm getting better-kind of. My associate points out how she enjoys working with both of us; The boss is "OCD"- I'm a "free spirit" and she feels like she's in between. It reminds me of the DBT paradigm of the emotional mind, the reasonable mind and the goal of having a "wise mind.'
I went to an excellent presentation on Motivational Interviewing this week referencing the 2 part brain reminding me of this DBT construct. In psycho-biology we have our limbic system-our instinctual survival brain avoiding pain-seeking pleasure. Then we have our prefrontal cortex-center of reasoning, meaning, rational thought, seat of morality. The key is helping the two parts work together, being able to guide the limbic system so we can act proactively and purposefully, with real intent. I love the hope the presenter gave as he assured how our brain can always form new connections. It is always growing and changing. He compared the limbic system to being the teenager, and the prefrontal cortex being the parent. We have to get permission from the parent to act. In this case the question posed to the parent could be, " I really want to pay attention to this...Can I"? And the parent may say, "Sure take the keys-go for a spin". Or maybe the parent says, "Let's shift our focus and pay attention to this over here." Everything fights for our attention-our basic drives for food/sleep/leisure/intimacy, the messy house, the errands we need to run, the voices of the people we love, the music on the radio, the text that just came in on the cell phone, the commercial on the TV, millions and millions of details bombarding us at every turn. WE get to decide what to pay attention to. We get to be the boss of our focus, or we can choose to live in a state of continual distraction.
It helps to have alternatives. It's helpful to be instructed and engage in the process of educating our conscious mind so we can have better discernment as we strive to choose the good. But ultimately, no-one can tell us what to do-cause our gut reaction is to fight back-don't tell me what to do! I guess that includes the IT of our limbic system. Our drives don't have to drive us. I love the connection to "attention"-as the communication bridge between the 2 parts of the brain. My prefrontal cortex doesn't have to boss my limbic system around and tell it what to do-or try to CONTROL it. Instead, I can distract IT. Diversion Power vs. Will Power. Any Rec. Therapist know diversion is just plain fun. With leisure free time, the big question is always, "What am I going to do today?" I can take that a step further and ask, "What am I going to pay attention to in this moment-each and every moment?
I still have
the song about moments from the "Into the Woods" soundtrack stuck in my head. The baker's wife sings, "Oh, if life
were made of moments, even now and then a bad one! But if life were made
of moments, then you'd never know you had one." Yet, for me-moments
are all really have. One "now" after the next. The "now" and what we
attend to in that "now" is all we really have control of. Controlling my attention can make the
big difference in being the big boss with the attention to detail.
I can be the boss of my "now" and take charge. Or like William Jennings Bryan puts it : "Destiny is not a matter of chance but a matter of choice." I know we get what we really focus on. I suppose it is related to the concept of having an "eye single." The scriptures teach “if your eye be single to [God’s] glory, your whole [body] shall be filled with light”. It's those darn eyes and what I choose to focus on, especially those important details. So I better start paying attention-now!
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Saturday, January 17, 2015
Going from Point A to B
This morning I was thinking about going from point A to B. The big issue this week was dealing with ever recurring car problems and trying to figure out a way to get to work. A neighbor offered to loan me her car as she noticed the tow truck pulling away from my driveway but I ended up working things out by using my daughter's car. It's was a hassle, but I managed to get from point A (home) to point B (work) without too much drama. As I stood at the mechanics counter to settle up, I took note of the quote on top of the invoice reminding everyone of the correlation between proper maintenance and break downs. Yeah, thanks for the extra jab-if paying $250 wasn't pain enough. It's times like these that I consider the benefits of leasing a brand new car and not dealing with all this car hassle. It would probably be cheaper. I hear wonderful tales from the land of lollipops, rainbows, and unicorns where one can live a maintenance free/repair free lifestyle-where car problems are fixed for free-where I can shift responsibility and say- "Hey this your car-so it's your problem". How important is "ownership" anyway? From people I have surveyed the big drawback is having a mileage restriction. Perhaps taking responsibility for my own car problems offers more freedom in the long run. I don't know. I want the freedom and the power to go where I want to go-when I want to go. With gas so cheap right now-it's time to be going...somewhere. If I wish for the power to go, I guess I should also wish for the power to solve problems-and perhaps do more than wishing.
I love the car problem solving duo of "Click and Clack" on public radio. (I was sad to hear of the passing of Tom Magliozzi.) I loved listening to the banter between the brothers. I could always feel their humanity as they tried to diagnose car problems and offer possible solutions. They made problem solving fun and entertaining. Maybe I need to have more of their humorous, wisecracking outlook when approaching my car problems. People who know things about cars are amazing. People who know things about anything are amazing. Knowledge IS power to solve problems-and power-well that's just everything. Without it, we can't go anywhere. Now having power just to rev your engine or go fast down a strip a road-that's just show-off power. Fun, I admit, but pretty useless in the grand scheme of things. But power to solve problems-that's a different story.
This week my co-worker interviewed to get into a Master's Program. It's got us all thinking about where we want to go in our careers. It put a little gas in my tank to spend some time online trying to earn additional CEU's for a possible specialty certificate in Behavioral Health. After listening to a presentation, one is required to take a brief multiple choice test in order to earn credit. Net effectively, I pour a bunch of information into my brain then need to solve problems with this "new" information. I found it curious that one of the most complex presentations (the one where my brain literally hurt trying to keep up) had the shortest, stupidest questions. I guess it was just too much information to really encapsulate in a meaningful quiz. I don't know-whatever. However, the next day at work, some of the concepts came to mind when going about my normal paperwork. The information allowed me to see my world in a different way and make new connections. Perhaps new information will help me solve problems quicker and more effectively. It reminds me of the quote from John Wayne who said "Life is hard-but it's harder for stupid people." I want smarts to solve problems.
People came to Jesus with problems. He used knowledge from on high to address their issues and concerns. He had knowledge for healing. He was the great fixer. After tending to the needs with great power, He instructed others to "go thy way." His knowledge and power helped others to GO. It set them back on the road of life, with working engines. I want to go. Sometimes I don't know exactly where, but I at least want the ability or the power to GO. I don't want to be restricted or stranded. I'm grateful that he shares his knowledge with us-that he encourages us to gain knowledge through study and prayer. He wants me to have knowledge of all things-temporal and spiritual. I can then turn that knowledge into power to solve problems-my problems. And maybe, just maybe, help others solve their problems as we all try to get from point A to point B.
I love the car problem solving duo of "Click and Clack" on public radio. (I was sad to hear of the passing of Tom Magliozzi.) I loved listening to the banter between the brothers. I could always feel their humanity as they tried to diagnose car problems and offer possible solutions. They made problem solving fun and entertaining. Maybe I need to have more of their humorous, wisecracking outlook when approaching my car problems. People who know things about cars are amazing. People who know things about anything are amazing. Knowledge IS power to solve problems-and power-well that's just everything. Without it, we can't go anywhere. Now having power just to rev your engine or go fast down a strip a road-that's just show-off power. Fun, I admit, but pretty useless in the grand scheme of things. But power to solve problems-that's a different story.
This week my co-worker interviewed to get into a Master's Program. It's got us all thinking about where we want to go in our careers. It put a little gas in my tank to spend some time online trying to earn additional CEU's for a possible specialty certificate in Behavioral Health. After listening to a presentation, one is required to take a brief multiple choice test in order to earn credit. Net effectively, I pour a bunch of information into my brain then need to solve problems with this "new" information. I found it curious that one of the most complex presentations (the one where my brain literally hurt trying to keep up) had the shortest, stupidest questions. I guess it was just too much information to really encapsulate in a meaningful quiz. I don't know-whatever. However, the next day at work, some of the concepts came to mind when going about my normal paperwork. The information allowed me to see my world in a different way and make new connections. Perhaps new information will help me solve problems quicker and more effectively. It reminds me of the quote from John Wayne who said "Life is hard-but it's harder for stupid people." I want smarts to solve problems.
People came to Jesus with problems. He used knowledge from on high to address their issues and concerns. He had knowledge for healing. He was the great fixer. After tending to the needs with great power, He instructed others to "go thy way." His knowledge and power helped others to GO. It set them back on the road of life, with working engines. I want to go. Sometimes I don't know exactly where, but I at least want the ability or the power to GO. I don't want to be restricted or stranded. I'm grateful that he shares his knowledge with us-that he encourages us to gain knowledge through study and prayer. He wants me to have knowledge of all things-temporal and spiritual. I can then turn that knowledge into power to solve problems-my problems. And maybe, just maybe, help others solve their problems as we all try to get from point A to point B.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Boundaries and being Bound
This morning I was thinking about boundaries and being bound. Yesterday when preparing to scout a possible sledding location, my intern spoke up and requested to have an additional person with us because it was his personal standard not to be alone with a woman. I was a little defensive at first since I'm about the furthest thing from Potipher's wife that you can imagine and I am extremely protective of all my "intern babies." He is my 6th one (2 females, 4 males). Their safety is paramount and I want them to have a great experience and feel like they can completely trust me. I want them to know I will only ask them to do those things that are in their best interest in helping them become competent recreational therapists. I am also keenly aware of safety protocols. One of the reasons why I love my male interns is because it opens up my RT programming; we can go more places since I can't go off-grounds with our male students without the presence of a male staff. Just finding available staff for students' off grounds programming is hassle enough let alone trying to find an available staff on the clock to accommodate my intern's special request. If I would have known that he would be uncomfortable with our closed door RT office, or pulling his chair close enough to see my computer screen, or just being alone with me at any time- I probably would not have offered him the internship. Though I will honor and respect his boundary limitations and limit our private interactions as much as I can , I told him I expect all my interns to be joined at the hip with me, at least for the first month, as they shadow my every move. That is if they want to go where I go-do what I do-and be what I am (a Recreation Therapist). We are bound together for the next 4 months. It's going to be a great journey.
I have my own boundaries, emotional and physical. I know there are some lines you just don't cross. Sometimes with a smile, I will push boundaries and go too fast-like when I ask too many personal questions in rapid succession. I'm a touchy person, with pats on the back, touching arms, or giving side hugs to my students. It was no mistake being sent to Spain on my mission; on the whole, they are an open culture of physically friendly people who greet each other and say good bye with customary hugs and kisses. At the same time, I do not expect others to be the same way and I have to be careful not to not invade their space. I've also been more aware of my own boundaries and I'm not afraid to defend them. Though I think I may have offended this dude I met at a dance, I didn't feel bad refusing a New Year's Eve kiss. I know holiday kisses with complete strangers are more "fun" than grand gestures of trust. But this time around, I'm sticking close to my own personal standards, and I don't care if they sound prudish or silly. I don't want to cross the line. It's not that I couldn't cross the line-I definitely have the freedom to do whatever I want. I just don't want to. I want to control myself. My desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set. Instead of feeling fettered by restrictions, I think honoring these boundaries will provide me with the freedom to really go where I want to go. Every relationship seems to take me somewhere, and I'm not talking about "going all the way"-70's reference included. In some relationships, I have felt like I was on the wrong train and didn't want to go where it was leading-so I jumped off, rolled on the ground and watched the train pulling away saying, "Phew!- I'm so glad I'm not on that train!"
"
As I think of being bound to covenants, I think of having perfect integrity; if I say I'm not going to cross the line-then I do not cross the line. No one forces me, I just choose to stay in the boundaries. It's kind of like the honor quote from Karl G. Maeser: "Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground--there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first!"
I know my word can be my bond-especially my word to be voluntarily bound by sacred covenants- to be worthy of His trust. The Lord says, "I am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." I love how I can completely trust him and he will not ask me to do anything that is not in my best interest. He wants me to be joined at the hip with Him so I will be able to go where he goes, do what he does, be like him. I want to be bound together with him.
I have my own boundaries, emotional and physical. I know there are some lines you just don't cross. Sometimes with a smile, I will push boundaries and go too fast-like when I ask too many personal questions in rapid succession. I'm a touchy person, with pats on the back, touching arms, or giving side hugs to my students. It was no mistake being sent to Spain on my mission; on the whole, they are an open culture of physically friendly people who greet each other and say good bye with customary hugs and kisses. At the same time, I do not expect others to be the same way and I have to be careful not to not invade their space. I've also been more aware of my own boundaries and I'm not afraid to defend them. Though I think I may have offended this dude I met at a dance, I didn't feel bad refusing a New Year's Eve kiss. I know holiday kisses with complete strangers are more "fun" than grand gestures of trust. But this time around, I'm sticking close to my own personal standards, and I don't care if they sound prudish or silly. I don't want to cross the line. It's not that I couldn't cross the line-I definitely have the freedom to do whatever I want. I just don't want to. I want to control myself. My desires, appetites, and passions are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set. Instead of feeling fettered by restrictions, I think honoring these boundaries will provide me with the freedom to really go where I want to go. Every relationship seems to take me somewhere, and I'm not talking about "going all the way"-70's reference included. In some relationships, I have felt like I was on the wrong train and didn't want to go where it was leading-so I jumped off, rolled on the ground and watched the train pulling away saying, "Phew!- I'm so glad I'm not on that train!"
"
As I think of being bound to covenants, I think of having perfect integrity; if I say I'm not going to cross the line-then I do not cross the line. No one forces me, I just choose to stay in the boundaries. It's kind of like the honor quote from Karl G. Maeser: "Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground--there is a possibility that in some way or another I may escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of the circle? No. Never! I'd die first!"
I know my word can be my bond-especially my word to be voluntarily bound by sacred covenants- to be worthy of His trust. The Lord says, "I am bound when ye do what I say, but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." I love how I can completely trust him and he will not ask me to do anything that is not in my best interest. He wants me to be joined at the hip with Him so I will be able to go where he goes, do what he does, be like him. I want to be bound together with him.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Games and Players
This morning I was thinking about applications, games and players. My thoughtful children bought me my first smart phone this Christmas and I've been enjoying all sorts of "apps". It's fun to listen to "Gospel Library"while driving to work. It was fun to use "Pandora"for my students' karaoke/dance party last night. I've also been playing around with the local dating application called "Tinder" I think it's fitting how it is represented by a "flame" icon-just because it can be so dangerous and easy to get burned. It is literally like playing with fire. So when opening up the application for the first time, I was faced with big screen faces-right in front of me-real lives. I was scared to death and deleted the first 30 men as my knee jerk reaction. Yikes! Then my sons grabbed my phone and started doing all sorts of things with my screen and I started getting matches and messages, and even found a guy that I knew to be perfectly safe and normal but it was all so fast and I had to just say, "STOP"-slow this thing down. So the next day, I deleted my account, signed up again, and took it at my pace. I wanted to be the one in control, even if I did end up losing my one normal, safe guy in the process. And like fire, it's best when you can control it instead of letting it ravage the countryside.
So like all applications, I had to figure out how it works. What are the "rules". I learned that texting is a necessary rule for Tinder. I'm getting all sorts of practice not only texting but trying to think on my feet-to free associate quickly-to shoot the breeze. I am super good at talking about nothing for hours (a skill I've honed talking to relatives over the years). I stay away from the personal questions, though I'm pretty good at digging deep quickly. From my last relationship, I also realized that when the conversation ends-the relationship is dying. Kind of like that Weezer lyric, "There may come a day when we have nothing left to say... and I'll say GO-if you wondering if I want you to-I want you to." So what do I want with this whole Tinder thing anyway? What's the object of the game? I answered my own question with one of my Tinder text messages. One guy was saying that I probably wouldn't "like" him because he wasn't LDS. I mentioned I have all sorts of friends that aren't Mormons; it just depends what his Tinder goal are-have sex, get married, find a soul mate, hang out-whatever. I'm looking for safe, fun, friends and willing to peel off a little bit of my TV watching time to text real live people and reach out to connect. In the whole social arena, I'm trying to decide how much of my resources of time, money, and energy to invest. But if I invest nothing, I can be certain of no returns. And yet when I do invest, I get the peanut gallery telling me I'm a player. It is a game-a dangerous game. I can certainly relate to the Taylor Swift pop song of having a "blank space" and being willing to write someone in. But what am I really trying to accomplish? It gets back to the object of the game sentiment.
I continue to hate board games or gaming in general. Like puzzles, though I see the benefits in building relationships, creating shared experiences, improving thinking abilities and problem solving, laughing, enjoying each others' company or even winning big money. I prefer to use my time, energy, and money in different ways. I must have some ADHD because I never took the time to read the rules on the box, let alone understand them. I was an impatient little girl-Just show me how to play, explain it in your own words. Just tell me about the object. Tell me what I'm suppose to do. At the same time I have this streak of ODD that screams, "Don't tell me what to do. Let's make our own rules. I don't want to have to wait my turn. The object of the game is stupid. " Sounds pretty conflicted.
I know it sounds silly, but every time I swipe my debit card at a gas pump or even at the store, I look at the display and think one day it will say, "GAME OVER." I guess it's just because I realize I need resources to keep moving forward-resources of time, money, energy. Like the earth, I too have limited resources- I'm glad I'm still in the game of life. I want to keep playing. When choosing my game piece, I want the cute little "dog" instead of the "thimble". I want to pass go and collect 200$. I don't want to spin my wheels in jail. It don't want to land on "Park Place" unless I own it. But this game, the game I'm playing is REAL. I love how we get to decide what to do with our blank spaces-each and every calendar day for 2015. We decide how we are going to play it. I'm grateful that I understand the object of my existence. I am grateful for the written rules and commandments. I'm grateful to a Savior and the Holy Ghost who show me how to play instead of trying to understand the fine print on my own. I am grateful to be a player and I want to play HIS game-for real, for keeps, forever.
So like all applications, I had to figure out how it works. What are the "rules". I learned that texting is a necessary rule for Tinder. I'm getting all sorts of practice not only texting but trying to think on my feet-to free associate quickly-to shoot the breeze. I am super good at talking about nothing for hours (a skill I've honed talking to relatives over the years). I stay away from the personal questions, though I'm pretty good at digging deep quickly. From my last relationship, I also realized that when the conversation ends-the relationship is dying. Kind of like that Weezer lyric, "There may come a day when we have nothing left to say... and I'll say GO-if you wondering if I want you to-I want you to." So what do I want with this whole Tinder thing anyway? What's the object of the game? I answered my own question with one of my Tinder text messages. One guy was saying that I probably wouldn't "like" him because he wasn't LDS. I mentioned I have all sorts of friends that aren't Mormons; it just depends what his Tinder goal are-have sex, get married, find a soul mate, hang out-whatever. I'm looking for safe, fun, friends and willing to peel off a little bit of my TV watching time to text real live people and reach out to connect. In the whole social arena, I'm trying to decide how much of my resources of time, money, and energy to invest. But if I invest nothing, I can be certain of no returns. And yet when I do invest, I get the peanut gallery telling me I'm a player. It is a game-a dangerous game. I can certainly relate to the Taylor Swift pop song of having a "blank space" and being willing to write someone in. But what am I really trying to accomplish? It gets back to the object of the game sentiment.
I continue to hate board games or gaming in general. Like puzzles, though I see the benefits in building relationships, creating shared experiences, improving thinking abilities and problem solving, laughing, enjoying each others' company or even winning big money. I prefer to use my time, energy, and money in different ways. I must have some ADHD because I never took the time to read the rules on the box, let alone understand them. I was an impatient little girl-Just show me how to play, explain it in your own words. Just tell me about the object. Tell me what I'm suppose to do. At the same time I have this streak of ODD that screams, "Don't tell me what to do. Let's make our own rules. I don't want to have to wait my turn. The object of the game is stupid. " Sounds pretty conflicted.
I know it sounds silly, but every time I swipe my debit card at a gas pump or even at the store, I look at the display and think one day it will say, "GAME OVER." I guess it's just because I realize I need resources to keep moving forward-resources of time, money, energy. Like the earth, I too have limited resources- I'm glad I'm still in the game of life. I want to keep playing. When choosing my game piece, I want the cute little "dog" instead of the "thimble". I want to pass go and collect 200$. I don't want to spin my wheels in jail. It don't want to land on "Park Place" unless I own it. But this game, the game I'm playing is REAL. I love how we get to decide what to do with our blank spaces-each and every calendar day for 2015. We decide how we are going to play it. I'm grateful that I understand the object of my existence. I am grateful for the written rules and commandments. I'm grateful to a Savior and the Holy Ghost who show me how to play instead of trying to understand the fine print on my own. I am grateful to be a player and I want to play HIS game-for real, for keeps, forever.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)