Games and Players

This morning I was thinking about applications, games and players.  My thoughtful children bought me my first smart phone this Christmas and I've been enjoying all sorts of "apps".  It's fun to listen to "Gospel Library"while driving to work.  It was fun to use "Pandora"for my students' karaoke/dance party last night. I've also been playing around with the local dating application called "Tinder" I think it's fitting how it is represented by a "flame" icon-just because it can be so dangerous and easy to get burned.  It is literally like playing with fire.  So when opening up the application for the first time, I was faced with big screen faces-right in front of me-real lives.  I was scared to death and deleted the first 30 men as my knee jerk reaction.  Yikes!  Then my sons grabbed my phone and started doing all sorts of things with my screen and I started getting matches and messages, and even found a guy that I knew to be perfectly safe and normal but it was all so fast and I had to just say, "STOP"-slow this thing down.   So the next day, I deleted my account, signed up again, and took it at my pace.  I wanted to be the one in control, even if I did end up losing my one normal, safe guy in the process.  And like fire, it's best when you can control it instead of letting it ravage the countryside.

So like all applications, I had to figure out how it works.  What are the "rules".   I learned that texting is a necessary rule for Tinder.  I'm getting all sorts of practice not only texting but trying to think on my feet-to free associate quickly-to shoot the breeze.  I am super good at talking about nothing for hours (a skill I've honed talking to relatives over the years).  I stay away from the personal questions, though I'm pretty good at digging deep quickly.  From my last relationship, I also realized that when the conversation ends-the relationship is dying.  Kind of like that Weezer lyric, "There may come a day when we have nothing left to say... and I'll say GO-if you wondering if I want you to-I want you to."  So what do I want with this whole Tinder thing anyway?  What's the object of the game?  I answered my own question with one of my Tinder text messages.  One guy was saying that I probably wouldn't "like" him because he wasn't LDS. I mentioned I have all sorts of friends that aren't Mormons;  it just depends what his Tinder goal are-have sex, get married, find a soul mate, hang out-whatever.  I'm looking for safe, fun, friends and willing to peel off a little bit of my TV watching time to text real live people and reach out to connect.  In the whole social arena, I'm trying to decide how much of my resources of time, money, and energy to invest.  But if I invest nothing, I can be certain of no returns. And yet when I do invest, I get the peanut gallery telling me I'm a player.  It is a game-a dangerous game.   I can certainly relate to the Taylor Swift pop song of having a "blank space" and being willing to write someone in. But what am I really trying to accomplish?  It gets back to the object of the game sentiment.

I continue to hate board games or gaming in general.  Like puzzles, though I see the benefits in building relationships, creating shared experiences, improving thinking abilities and problem solving, laughing, enjoying each others' company or even winning big money.  I prefer to use my time, energy, and money in different ways. I must have some ADHD because I never took the time to read the rules on the box, let alone understand them. I was an impatient little girl-Just show me how to play, explain it in your own words.  Just tell me about the object. Tell me what I'm suppose to do. At the same time I have this streak of ODD that screams, "Don't tell me what to do.  Let's make our own rules.  I don't want to have to wait my turn. The object of the game is stupid. "  Sounds pretty conflicted.

I know it sounds silly, but every time I swipe my debit card at a gas pump or even at the store, I look at the display and think one day it will say, "GAME OVER."  I guess it's just because I realize I need resources to keep moving forward-resources of time, money, energy.  Like the earth, I too have limited resources- I'm glad I'm still in the game of life. I want to keep playing.  When choosing my game piece, I want the cute little "dog" instead of the "thimble".  I want to pass go and collect 200$. I don't want to spin my wheels in jail.  It don't want to land on "Park Place" unless I own it.  But this game, the game I'm playing is REAL.   I love how we get to decide what to do with our blank spaces-each and every calendar day for 2015.  We decide how we are going to play it.  I'm grateful that I understand the object of my existence.  I am grateful for the written rules and commandments.  I'm grateful to a Savior and the Holy Ghost who show me how to play instead of trying to understand the fine print on my own.  I am grateful to be a player and I want to play HIS game-for real, for keeps, forever.