Uptight and Congruent

This morning I was thinking about being congruent and less uptight.   I guess I've always been a little uptight for some reason or another but perhaps I haven't made the connection with how this influences beliefs about myself and my life. This week I had an opportunity to meet with my intern's mother who is an energy worker. She uses applied kinesiology among other treatment modalities for healing.  Whenever I would come into work with some ailment, I would joke around with my intern that I needed his mother to come spirit heal my knee, back, hip etc.  (I don't think I could get my wrinkles spirit healed out of me.)  Since we were having a going away party for my intern, I thought it was a great idea to have his mother come down and see her son's work environment as well as teach me a thing or two about energy work and how it could help my students.  As we tried to cram her vast knowledge into a brief 1/2 hour meeting, I found myself wishing I would have carved out more time to take advantage of this opportunity.  Nevertheless, she gave me a couple tools that I already knew something about such as EFT, Guided Imagery, Positive Affirmations, Aromatherapy, Music Therapy, Grounding Techniques-all having group applications. I appreciated her willingness to share.  There was one moment when I felt a little stupid and felt like I was being judged about my inability to "do things right."  It was a simple exercise-just look at the statement and say it in your mind, or out loud while placing feet on the floor and breathing.  The statement she thought might apply to me was about "having enough money and having money come easily to me."  She sat beside me and told me she would indicate when I could stop.  It was a little uncomfortable having someone beside me trying to observe my thoughts, yet I'm sure she was observing my body instead-which apparently never lies.  She told me I was pretty tense and was looking for a physical release indicating I wasn't resisting the thought.  So I just relaxed my body-and exhaled slowly and we stopped  the exercise. It was pretty contrived on my part-I can always pretend if I want to.  I don't think it was because I had accepted my ability to easily have the financial resources if I only believed.  I know my RT salary is not going to triple any time soon because of my new found belief that I have enough money and it comes easily.  Or I don't think an awesome belief is going to give me enough physical energy to explore other financial opportunities at the same time as putting my all into my mental health career.  I know these limiting beliefs affect my progression.

I guess it's not any different than what I was trying to point out to the students earlier this week while doing a high ropes course "Tarzan Swing" element.  I had them write down what they were going to tell themselves while climbing and then report on what happened and what they actually did think about.  There was one little girl who got so anxious and uptight that she barely took one step, cried and refused to try. She confessed that she didn't once think about what she had written. She could have done the task-I have no doubt that she was strong enough, coordinated enough etc.  There is one part of the the element where the kids have to let go of the ropes and fall. They have to trust that this "on belay" system will really catch them. Some cling to the rope and freak out.  Others are anxious to get down so they readily do whatever is necessary. I know belief affects performance.  I know visualization affects performance.  I know focusing on the goal affects performance.  So why don't I do it?   Why do I resist?  Why don't I accept these empowering ideas represented in positive affirmations?

Perhaps it's because the voice in my head calls out, "That's not true."  And if you say that to yourself-you're just lying."  Perhaps the state of having "enough money coming easily to me" could be achieved in the future-but it is definitely not now.   Now I'm all about truth, but if truth is knowledge of things as they were, are and yet to come-maybe this "not yet" paradigm needs to be examined.  What beliefs are really going to empower me?  I suppose this is why I added the additional verse to the Families Can Be Together forever song for my daughter's wedding present.  The "can be" lyric refers to the "possibility" of someday forever family whereas the "Families Are Forever" is more of an affirmation that can manifest reality.  The one sets me up for immediate judgment of where I'm currently at presently and even fear of the opposite-my family can NOT be forever-a seed of doubt.  I think the later sentiment (families are forever) propels me forward with confidence rather being so uptight that I don't even put my foot on the rung of the ladder. I need to relax, exhale, and believe-really believe in unlimited power to accomplish whatever God wants me to do.  I know I'm always "on belay" when it come to climbing up to the "Tarzan Ropes."  He has me.  He will not let me fall.  He knows I have the strength to accomplish the task.  He wouldn't ask me to climb if he didn't think I could do it. He knows if  I will  only believe that "He is" and that "I am" then I will let go of those limiting beliefs.  When I focus on his abilities and trust more completely, I will be more congruent and less uptight.

Names and Addresses

This morning I was thinking about names and addresses.  It seems like that's all I've been thinking about all week whilte trying to get wedding invitations out.  It is a huge hassle identifying the names, searching for their address, and then entering them in one by one in my daughter's postable account.  These people may not want to show support for my daughter in any way;  they might scratch their heads and say, "Who is this Chelsey Mowen and who cares about their love story?"  However,  I send them the invitation anyway; each person has been, or is still important to me and I love them. These people have touched me and my family and showed they cared in some way-big or small.  I enjoyed personalizing each bridal shower invitation with little sunflower luster gem with their name in the middle. It was one of those little details that doesn't really matter-but their names matter.  Each name is a symbol representing an individual life-and as such-I honor them. I probably forgot someone important; I sure don't want any Maleficent's out there- all butt hurt because they didn't get an invitation to my daughter's Latin dance party.

The reception is just a party-a very expensive party. This "rustic elegance" thing is about to send me over the edge. For the last 4 months I have brought my stupid offerings on bended knee, head bowed low in submission, only to be rejected by the would be queen.  "No, mom, that's not what I had in mind at all-it doesn't look anything like my Pintrest board. If it's rustic, let's just eat on paper plates and call it good instead of spending $3.00 a place setting for...nothing.  Oh-but it's so "important".  I'll tell you what's important;  what I care about most is that she and her soon to be husband will be kneeling over the altars of the temple entering into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.  In the next couple of weeks Chelsey Nicole Mowen will be going to the Provo temple and participating in her living ordinances including the initiatory and endowment, culminating with her sealing to her husband.  So if we take in to account baptism, confirmation, initiatory, endowment, sealing to spouse, and sealing to parents-that's a whole lot of ordinances for every single human, including Chelsey,who has ever lived on this planet-just to give them the opportunity to accept them-they might not even want to come. They might not even care about it.  They might just throw it out like an unwanted wedding invitation.  But He wants his work done anyway in the way he has ordained. Temple work is done, one name at a time.  Sure it is hassle, but each name represents one of our Father's precious children. It deserves our best time and attention.

I have another offering for the lovely newlyweds.  I just finished it yesterday-and it is awesome (but then again, I thought the reject bridal flower crown was amazing.) I arranged one of my favorite primary songs, "Families Can Be Together."  In LDS culture, having a "Forever Family" is the whole point of the temple.  It's what brings joy and rejoicing.  So you can imagine the pain I felt as I looked up at the spire of the Provo Temple, being freshly divorced, thinking aloud and sobbing, "I don't have a forever family-not even close." However, with time and study, I don't feel the same way when I see the temple.  I don't think about my failures, rather I think of HIS victory. I think of HIS great work.  I think of our triumphant Lord and what his atonement makes possible.  I think of his grace.  I think of the work already done for me and how everything I truly want is there waiting-ready to claim through my living faith.   I just have to want my inheritance.  He's not going to force feed his highest blessing to someone who refuses to open their mouth.  While thinking on some of these concepts and an great talk I heard by C. Robert Line about how grace works, I wrote an interlude between the 1st and second verse of this primary song.   My lyrics are italicized.

I have a family here on earth.  They are so good to me.
 I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

Families can be together forever Through Heavenly Father's plan
I always want to be with my own family, And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.

I have a family here on earth-and they've been sealed to me.
I want to share my life with them...sometimes I doubt and cannot see-how this could be?

Families ARE forever.  Generations sealed by priesthood power.
There to claim-through His name.  
Work's been done-the names are waiting..if you WANT
And the Lord has shown me how HE has
The Lord has shown me...how he has.

While I am in my early years, I'll prepare most carefully
So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.

(both parts sung together)
Families can be together forever Through Heavenly Father's plan (Families are Forever. Generations Sealed)
I always want to be with my own family (There to claim-Through His name)
And the Lord has shown me how I can. (And the Lord has shown...me how He has)
The Lord has shown me how I can. (The Lord has shown me how He has!)