Daylight Work

This morning I was thinking of daylight work and my family's productivity during those waking hours.  Actually I've been thinking about it quite a lot during the last couple of weeks.  Though I expected my sons to return home for my daughter's wedding, I was not quite expecting that they would all stay with me as they try to decide their "next step" as they make their way in the world.  We often pass each other in the morning as I wake and they go to bed.  Unfortunately it is not because they have been up all night doing a rotation at the hospital as a medical intern.  I join with many parents around the world and exclaim, "Get a job! Go to school!  Do something!  Please!

I know that is judgmental and harsh.  I know many people do their best work at night-they are most creative-most productive.  Many people have to work at night to serve their fellowman.  I don't think it has always been the case. Electricity lights up the skyline. In the olden days when the sun went down-I imagine everyone just went to sleep-it was dark and cold.  Without light, how are you supposed to find your way around in the dark without fumbling around, tripping or encountering danger on every side?  We need to see what we're doing-see what's around us.  How do you know what to pay attention to in the dark?  Now cell phones, computer, TV, video games grab people's attention through all hours of the night. Flashing night club lights, live music, stores and fast food open 24 hours a day-nightlife has become analogous for "fun" and "excitement". Daylight is "boring."  Turn on the lights and all of a sudden it doesn't seem so fun anymore-people aren't as attractive as they were in the dark.  But there are other lights that always seem to be on- electronic devices to make it through the night-My son just found an app (Periscope)  that allows you to cast your cell phone around the world so others can actually see what you are seeing on your cell phone (like going on a hike, watching an event-anything) and interact with you- talk about instant connection and world exposure!  Unplug from our devices and suddenly we're alone-no connection with the outside world.  Yet with or without electricity, people have always found something to do in the dark-sometimes things you wouldn't dream of doing in the day.  Night is a great cover even if it's just a dark private room in a home.  Some people wouldn't dream of living in a city without an exciting nightlife.  Isn't Las Vegas still billed as the city that never sleeps?  Take away all the substances that impair executive brain functioning or illicit sexual activities that give that great dopamine high-then what do you do?  Consequences usually come in the morning. Maybe some people's way to skirt around that issue is just not have any mornings-sleep through them.  I don't know-I just like day. 

My life is made up of days.  Each day includes both day and night and what I choose to pay attention in each waking hour.  There is work to be done-and probably for me, this work will be done during daylight hours. I chime in with the hymn, "There is Work Enough to do Ere the Sun Goes Down."   All these days and nights are a gift from a gracious God as "space granted unto man in which he might repent." I get to repent.  It is a privilege. I get to change for the better.  I feel the truth in Alma's words,"...after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed."  Day labor is important. 

My children's productivity or lack thereof is constant source of glory or shame for me as a parent.  I know they have their agency, but I also know I am a piece of their biological and environmental underpinnings that influence their choices; I think how I could have raised them differently to help them be happier and more productive. Their uncertainty and confusion weighs heavily on my heart-to the point that it is most difficult to focus on the positive and be my "bright sunny self."   I  need energy to understand and support them;  it surely isn't going to come from my son's can of "RockStar" energy drink though I do admit that powering up with a"star" has some validity, especially if it's our star...the sun.

As I was driving to work on Friday past a large green hay field, the morning sun pierced my eyes through the windshield and filled my heart with gratitude and filled my eyes with tears.  It reminded me in the most powerful, attention getting, "shine the light on me" way to focus on the positive and think "How blessed I am!" I'm so grateful for the sun-the source of daylight.  Light really does dispel the darkness.  Light really does make the heavy load seem lighter.  Light lifts in every way.  Light propels me forward with hope for the future.   Light helps me work during the day.  Light is Life. Daylight work is wonderful. 

She Knew!

This morning I was thinking how my daughter really knew what she wanted in regards to her wedding.  As the mother of the bride, I thought I knew what was best and that my daughter didn't have a clue. This was first brought to my attention several months earlier as she tried on and tossed aside about 100 beautiful wedding dresses.  A mother-daughter moment gone awry, I was quickly worn out as we ventured out week after week to look for the "perfect" dress.  She finally decided to use the lace from my bedroom curtains for the bodice and designed a simple but elegant dress made by a local seamstress. As she tried it on-she remarked,"This is perfect!  It is exactly what I imagined." For me,  her response was a freakin' miracle.  Especially in light of my countless rejected wedding offerings.  I thought I understood her "vision."  I thought I knew what looked good-I thought I knew how how to create beautiful things. I thought I knew what I was doing. It's been pretty easy to feel like an incompetent fool who didn't know anything. Trying to please her became the order of the day. Week after week I brought my offerings on bended knee, only to have "Princess Chelsey" look down in dismay, "No mom, that's not what I had in mind at all!"  She wasn't trying to be mean or impossible to please;  she just didn't like it.  She also wasn't only trying to please herself; she was trying to please her fiance and his family as well.  She knew them and knew what they wanted. They had expectations and she felt pressure coming in from all sides.

I know if I just did what I thought was "best" we would just have a short, sweet, simple backyard reception with cupcakes. Getting married in the temple is free-that's the important part; all this other stuff wasn't necessary or practical.  I did not have the budget or stamina for a fully catered 6 hour Latin dance party held in a professional wedding venue.  I hemmed and hawed at every expense.  Even when I tried to hold my tongue, my daughter complained about my "negative energy" and ruining each moment.  She was anxious about spending a single cent of her mother's money and didn't want her boyfriends family to be doing too much either. She felt torn.  It was a hard balancing act.  She fretted over every small detail and often felt overwhelmed. She knew what was expected.

She knew how she wanted her wedding celebration to look-down to the smallest detail. She went over those details ad nauseam and how things were to be set up-the picture booth, the lemonade stand, the dessert bar, the sign in area, the receiving area, the table decor, etc, etc.  I worked like a mad man before the reception with people coming to me asking how to help as I tried to communicate my daughter's wishes. I ran out of time and couldn't arrange the greenery and roses properly-all the while hearing my daughter's voice in my head saying, "No mom, you've got it all wrong-that's not what I told you."  It was another miracle when she walked in and told me everything looked "perfect."  However, at that point, I don't think either one of us really cared.  All the decor was only an empowering backdrop for the celebration- a platform to launch the couple center stage.

She knew she and her husband would be the epicenter of the dancing party.  She had gone to many of these Latin receptions before-but now it was their turn.  Though I have known her husband for over 3 years- I did not know what a fabulous dancer her was.  My daughter knew.  This was his moment-and how he shined.  My daughter was right there next to him-supporting him-having fun with friends and family. It was a big deal.  The dancing formation was a clump of people turned inward-dancing but mostly moving their feet as they watched the action from the inner circle and clapped along for HOURS.  If I would have insisted on a 2 hour backyard cupcake reception, how would Brandon feel the support of his dancing family cheering him on?  He wouldn't-the couple would have missed his one opportunity to be the sun and the moon.  It was their party.  My most emotional moment of the reception was when the DJ played the last song-their song- "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers.  Everyone stopped dancing and gathered around the couple as they swayed to the lyric, "I belong to you-you belong to me, in my sweet home." (I know that's not the right lyric-but it's what I heard.) It was beautiful.  They were the most important people in the room. The whole world revolved around them for a moment.

In a different moment, though surrounded by loving family and in the center of the room, they physically acknowledged they were not the most important people and the world didn't revolve around them.  In the center of the room stands the altar of the temple; also in the room is the temple sealer with necessary priesthood keys to perform the ordinance-both representing Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice making possible all ordinances for salvation and exaltation.  By humbly kneeling at this altar, my daughter demonstrated how she does not know everything but desires to learn.  Like her sweet husband's love letter expressing his commitment to get to know her better and better throughout their lives together, through covenant, she was making a lifelong commitment to get to know God and his will for her.  She knew making this covenant was important. My daughter knew she wanted to be with the man she loves not only for time but for eternity and I was so proud of her decision and her efforts to realize this goal.  She knew.