This morning I was thinking how my daughter really knew what she wanted in regards to her wedding. As the mother of the bride, I thought I knew what was best and that my daughter didn't have a clue. This was first brought to my attention several months earlier as she tried on and tossed aside about 100 beautiful wedding dresses. A mother-daughter moment gone awry, I was quickly worn out as we ventured out week after week to look for the "perfect" dress. She finally decided to use the lace from my bedroom curtains for the bodice and designed a simple but elegant dress made by a local seamstress. As she tried it on-she remarked,"This is perfect! It is exactly what I imagined." For me, her response was a freakin' miracle. Especially in light of my countless rejected wedding offerings. I thought I understood her "vision." I thought I knew what looked good-I thought I knew how how to create beautiful things. I thought I knew what I was doing. It's been pretty easy to feel like an incompetent fool who didn't know anything. Trying to please her became the order of the day. Week after week I brought my offerings on bended knee, only to have "Princess Chelsey" look down in dismay, "No mom, that's not what I had in mind at all!" She wasn't trying to be mean or impossible to please; she just didn't like it. She also wasn't only trying to please herself; she was trying to please her fiance and his family as well. She knew them and knew what they wanted. They had expectations and she felt pressure coming in from all sides.
I know if I just did what I thought was "best" we would just have a short, sweet, simple backyard reception with cupcakes. Getting married in the temple is free-that's the important part; all this other stuff wasn't necessary or practical. I did not have the budget or stamina for a fully catered 6 hour Latin dance party held in a professional wedding venue. I hemmed and hawed at every expense. Even when I tried to hold my tongue, my daughter complained about my "negative energy" and ruining each moment. She was anxious about spending a single cent of her mother's money and didn't want her boyfriends family to be doing too much either. She felt torn. It was a hard balancing act. She fretted over every small detail and often felt overwhelmed. She knew what was expected.
She knew how she wanted her wedding celebration to look-down to the smallest detail. She went over those details ad nauseam and how things were to be set up-the picture booth, the lemonade stand, the dessert bar, the sign in area, the receiving area, the table decor, etc, etc. I worked like a mad man before the reception with people coming to me asking how to help as I tried to communicate my daughter's wishes. I ran out of time and couldn't arrange the greenery and roses properly-all the while hearing my daughter's voice in my head saying, "No mom, you've got it all wrong-that's not what I told you." It was another miracle when she walked in and told me everything looked "perfect." However, at that point, I don't think either one of us really cared. All the decor was only an empowering backdrop for the celebration- a platform to launch the couple center stage.
She knew she and her husband would be the epicenter of the dancing party. She had gone to many of these Latin receptions before-but now it was their turn. Though I have known her husband for over 3 years- I did not know what a fabulous dancer her was. My daughter knew. This was his moment-and how he shined. My daughter was right there next to him-supporting him-having fun with friends and family. It was a big deal. The dancing formation was a clump of people turned inward-dancing but mostly moving their feet as they watched the action from the inner circle and clapped along for HOURS. If I would have insisted on a 2 hour backyard cupcake reception, how would Brandon feel the support of his dancing family cheering him on? He wouldn't-the couple would have missed his one opportunity to be the sun and the moon. It was their party. My most emotional moment of the reception was when the DJ played the last song-their song- "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers. Everyone stopped dancing and gathered around the couple as they swayed to the lyric, "I belong to you-you belong to me, in my sweet home." (I know that's not the right lyric-but it's what I heard.) It was beautiful. They were the most important people in the room. The whole world revolved around them for a moment.
In a different moment, though surrounded by loving family and in the center of the room, they physically acknowledged they were not the most important people and the world didn't revolve around them. In the center of the room stands the altar of the temple; also in the room is the temple sealer with necessary priesthood keys to perform the ordinance-both representing Jesus Christ and his atoning sacrifice making possible all ordinances for salvation and exaltation. By humbly kneeling at this altar, my daughter demonstrated how she does not know everything but desires to learn. Like her sweet husband's love letter expressing his commitment to get to know her better and better throughout their lives together, through covenant, she was making a lifelong commitment to get to know God and his will for her. She knew making this covenant was important. My daughter knew she wanted to be with the man she loves not only for time but for eternity and I was so proud of her decision and her efforts to realize this goal. She knew.
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