i consider myself a mental health professional, though definitively not as skilled as my PhD brother or a masters degree clinician. Yet, I have been exposed to some great stuff- knowledge that if applied, could do us good-even help everyone feel better. When preparing to accept my first job as a rec therapist, I spent time reading research articles regarding therapeutic interventions . I was drawn to strength based approaches. Instead of focusing on what's wrong with a person, I found it helpful to consider what they had going for them already; what are they pretty good at? what do they like about themselves and others; what can they do with what they already have?
I use an analogy of climbing the treatment mountain. When we start to dig up the dirt or take digs at self or others we end up making a big hole and displacing a bunch of dirt..It's hard work. It's hard to hear the dirt about ourselves; we recognize our deficits, what's wrong with us, and the things we need to change. All these problems represent our current needs. In traditional treatment this is our chief complaint. Treatment will be useless unless it addresses accurate diagnosis. But what about the big hole or the displaced dirt from our digging? With time this dirt is packed down and forms mountain of sorts...a mountain we will need to climb.We will need strength and put forth a great deal of effort to climb this mountain of our own making. Why not use every possible resource we have to accomplish the task-use strength to tackle weakness!
My family has many strengths; all of our bodies are pretty healthy- we can see, hear, talk and walk. I think we have a high level of intelligence. sure we do stupid things, but I think we are all pretty awake and aware. We also have a high degree of social and emotional intelligence. We not only know how to communicate but we know how to make and keep friends. We know how to reach out and care about the people around us. As a family we love and care about each individual family member. We know how to forgive and make repairs when we offend each other. There is an unconditionality about our interactions; no matter what happens to us or whatever mistakes we have made... it will be okay... we are still a family with a desire to be a close and connected. Perhaps the biggest strength of all for any of us, is the ability to keep trying-keep moving forward-and being open and willing to try a new approach to the challenges we face.
With these strengths at or disposal. surely we can climb the mountain. Let's go!
Saturday, November 18, 2017
Saturday, November 4, 2017
38 Bottles: Better Decisions
I'm sure there are all sorts of outcomes for "family therapy" and what people expect to get out of their sessions. Yet I can't help thinking the ability to make better decisions should be on top of the list. This includes feeling better, thinking better, and ultimately behaving better. This is the essence of health right? When I'm sick or hurt, I want to feel better and ultimately improve my executive functioning.
I am fascinated with mental health. It appears to have some connection with spiritual health- at least both are not readily visible. It's hard to diagnose and treat because conditions aren't manifest in a MRI, x-ray, or in a gushing gun shot wound. Some clinicians use FMRI's and other analytic tools, but it's still fuzzy science. The whole field is wrought with ambiguity. It's confusing and contradictory. But I suppose physical health is as well. Nevertheless, we try to figure things out. What makes us tick? What causes us to act or be acted upon? What knowledge will really make a difference in our life?
And so as I navigate through different concepts in mental health that may be useful for my family, I believe it helps to have a foundation-or a safe harbor to return to when venturing out into the ocean. It's too easy to get lost in the wild sea of ideas.
All through my children's lives, we gathered each night for "Scripture Time." In many cases, it was a joke- the rug we sat on often became a stage for family antics; but we still tried to read from the pages of the scriptures to build faith in Jesus Christ. My children sometimes expressed irritation as I would relate almost anything we did or learned about during the day to the gospel of Jesus Christ. How I wish I could gather my adult sons and daughters around me and have family scripture time each night. I know it would still help us. I try to encourage daily private study of the scriptures, but I feel like they don't think it helps them. They sometimes even think it not only doesn't help them but makes them feel bad -commands end up feeling like criticism and harsh judgment about various imperfections.
Jeffrey Holland's latest conference talk addresses this issue. Here are some excerpts;
Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism...
My brothers and sisters, except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in mortality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call “toxic perfectionism.”...
Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.14
I testify that scriptures help more than they hurt. They can help me and my family. Though my suggestion may be dismissed as the silly rantings of a religious fanatic, I believe if we want our family to heal and improve daily functioning,scripture time should be considered as one of our "therapy assignments." We can't gather around the rug and watch the family circus of personalities, but we can do something to incorporate scripture time, especially, The Book of Mormon, into our daily routine. President Nelson stated:
My dear brothers and sisters, I promise that as you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions.
That's not just a statement, it's a promise! From a prophet, seer, and revelator no less. Wow. A promise that we can make better decisions by doing one simple thing...a spiritual remedy. That surely is a intervention worth trying!
I am fascinated with mental health. It appears to have some connection with spiritual health- at least both are not readily visible. It's hard to diagnose and treat because conditions aren't manifest in a MRI, x-ray, or in a gushing gun shot wound. Some clinicians use FMRI's and other analytic tools, but it's still fuzzy science. The whole field is wrought with ambiguity. It's confusing and contradictory. But I suppose physical health is as well. Nevertheless, we try to figure things out. What makes us tick? What causes us to act or be acted upon? What knowledge will really make a difference in our life?
And so as I navigate through different concepts in mental health that may be useful for my family, I believe it helps to have a foundation-or a safe harbor to return to when venturing out into the ocean. It's too easy to get lost in the wild sea of ideas.
All through my children's lives, we gathered each night for "Scripture Time." In many cases, it was a joke- the rug we sat on often became a stage for family antics; but we still tried to read from the pages of the scriptures to build faith in Jesus Christ. My children sometimes expressed irritation as I would relate almost anything we did or learned about during the day to the gospel of Jesus Christ. How I wish I could gather my adult sons and daughters around me and have family scripture time each night. I know it would still help us. I try to encourage daily private study of the scriptures, but I feel like they don't think it helps them. They sometimes even think it not only doesn't help them but makes them feel bad -commands end up feeling like criticism and harsh judgment about various imperfections.
Jeffrey Holland's latest conference talk addresses this issue. Here are some excerpts;
Our only hope for true perfection is in receiving it as a gift from heaven—we can’t “earn” it. Thus, the grace of Christ offers us not only salvation from sorrow and sin and death but also salvation from our own persistent self-criticism...
My brothers and sisters, except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing, so while in mortality let’s strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call “toxic perfectionism.”...
Brothers and sisters, every one of us aspires to a more Christlike life than we often succeed in living. If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness. If we persevere, then somewhere in eternity our refinement will be finished and complete—which is the New Testament meaning of perfection.14
I testify that scriptures help more than they hurt. They can help me and my family. Though my suggestion may be dismissed as the silly rantings of a religious fanatic, I believe if we want our family to heal and improve daily functioning,scripture time should be considered as one of our "therapy assignments." We can't gather around the rug and watch the family circus of personalities, but we can do something to incorporate scripture time, especially, The Book of Mormon, into our daily routine. President Nelson stated:
My dear brothers and sisters, I promise that as you prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions.
That's not just a statement, it's a promise! From a prophet, seer, and revelator no less. Wow. A promise that we can make better decisions by doing one simple thing...a spiritual remedy. That surely is a intervention worth trying!
Thursday, November 2, 2017
39 Bottles of Beer
It's been a couple of months since I last wrote an entry in my "99 bottles of beer" blog I got to bottle number 40 and then Jeff was released from prison. Ready or not, I had to face him...and I did. The surprising part about the whole ordeal, was that it was not an ordeal at all. It was normal. It was fine. It was almost like a non-event. Much like the soda pop that lost its' fizz because someone didn't screw the lid on tight enough, our initial meeting didn't have any volcanic overflow, explosions, mess, or fireworks. It was flat-barely registered on a emotional Richter scale-if there was such a thing.
Since Jeff returned to Utah, we've had about 3 or 4 family dinners, and about 4 one on one exchanges such as walks, car rides, errands, etc. We had a discussion about boundaries and so far, they have been respected. My son asked if I was attracted to him, and I honestly said I wasn't. There is familiarity for sure, but I feel like my eyes are wide open. I see him, or at least I think I'm seeing him with new eyes and awareness.
When his release date finally arrived I didn't have a bunch of pent up feelings and thoughts waiting to explode. They came out gradually through the process of writing 60 journal entries; writing my 99 bottles of beer blog helped me explore issues regarding my relationship with my x husband- past, present future.
It's been more difficult for my children since they have not processed through their issues regarding their father, their mother, their relationship, and our family dynamics past,present, and future. Some have suggested some sort of family therapy.
I'm open to that, though I don't have funds. Last week I suggested Jeff cover mental health expenses-I think that's fair. Taking a page out of the past Mowen family playbook, we usually don't go to the doctor unless we're practically dying. Instead we do the best with the resources we already have. It's our attempt to self-medicate.
And so I turn once again to beer. That's medicine right? Surely I have 40 bottles worth of mental health ideas, interventions, treatment or home grown remedies to help with our condition.
Flat can be good when it comes to shaking bottles and opening them up. But flat can also impede progress-especially as I'm writing this entry as I sit here on my para-transit bus with several customers on board waiting for help to arrive. It is my first experience with a flat tire during my early morning route, probably not the last.
Since Jeff returned to Utah, we've had about 3 or 4 family dinners, and about 4 one on one exchanges such as walks, car rides, errands, etc. We had a discussion about boundaries and so far, they have been respected. My son asked if I was attracted to him, and I honestly said I wasn't. There is familiarity for sure, but I feel like my eyes are wide open. I see him, or at least I think I'm seeing him with new eyes and awareness.
When his release date finally arrived I didn't have a bunch of pent up feelings and thoughts waiting to explode. They came out gradually through the process of writing 60 journal entries; writing my 99 bottles of beer blog helped me explore issues regarding my relationship with my x husband- past, present future.
It's been more difficult for my children since they have not processed through their issues regarding their father, their mother, their relationship, and our family dynamics past,present, and future. Some have suggested some sort of family therapy.
I'm open to that, though I don't have funds. Last week I suggested Jeff cover mental health expenses-I think that's fair. Taking a page out of the past Mowen family playbook, we usually don't go to the doctor unless we're practically dying. Instead we do the best with the resources we already have. It's our attempt to self-medicate.
And so I turn once again to beer. That's medicine right? Surely I have 40 bottles worth of mental health ideas, interventions, treatment or home grown remedies to help with our condition.
Flat can be good when it comes to shaking bottles and opening them up. But flat can also impede progress-especially as I'm writing this entry as I sit here on my para-transit bus with several customers on board waiting for help to arrive. It is my first experience with a flat tire during my early morning route, probably not the last.
The big boss came, we transferred the customers to a different van and we were on our way. Perhaps these last 40 bottles can help the people in my family board a different bus and get back on track. We can make forward progress and eventually fix that flat tire or replace it with a new one.
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