This morning I was thinking about my red satin high heels and the relief I felt after kicking them off last night. I'm good in these puppies for about an hour, or less. Not that I need high heels mind you. Measuring almost 6.0' without them, I literally tower over everyone. It's fun. I use to be self-conscious about my height, but no more. My first boyfriend absolutely forbade me from wearing anything but flats. I guess everyone has a little bit of short man's syndrome. We all seek to elevate ourselves in some fashion or another. Even at 51, I'm still measuring myself against others- feeling less than or superior. Sometimes standing above, sometimes standing below. Competition and comparing myself to others comes naturally and I continue to struggle with the sin of pride.
Last night I attended a "heel worthy event" sponsored by our stake leaders to serve the older single adults. It was a formal dinner with good food, long stem roses, heartfelt entertainment and lovely company. I say lovely because 90% of the attendees were devoted single sisters in their advanced years. I appreciated seeing our prominent leaders wearing aprons as they served each guest personally, many times physically lowering themselves to greet us-trying to make us comfortable and welcome. It wasn't quite like the Savior washing the feet of his apostles, but it was a physical reminder of debasing oneself to serve and being willing to do menial tasks. Leaders really are servants of all, not just some men and women speaking to the masses from their high pulpits telling us how to achieve greatness. Our stake president printed out an attractive booklets with speeches on love and placed them as decorations for each table. His public remarks were brief as he touched on the concept of love and gave sincere compliments to the singles expressing gratitude for their lives and influence. The whole event was meant to be a gesture of love, or at least that's how I took it.
I suppose that's the whole idea behind another invitation to "heel worthy event" I received in the mail this week from HR. At first, as I read the invitation, I felt a surge of pride thinking it might be an exclusive event honoring "employee of the month" people as they acknowledged accomplishments and work contributions. My first thought was-what to wear? After all, in an event like "this" I want to look good-or at least look the part. I was embarrassed with how deflated I felt when I got to work and looked at the calendar and realized that the planned celebration at the hotel was for everyone-it is to honor everyone and show appreciation. Why did I want to be singled out? Why do other people's accomplishments diminish my own? Shouldn't I just be happy, and like the invitation states, "Celebrate"?
It reminded me of a question I received after delivering my lecture as guest speaker at a university positive psychology class this week. I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but the gist was how he could feel good in a social media age when everyone was always bombarding him with all their accomplishments and his tendency to compare it with what he was doing with his free time. My response was immediate and I yammered on, rehearsing some of the concepts I had previously discussed in autonomy, mindfulness, and flow. I pulled out my cell phone and noted our natural impulse to immediately respond to each message- each distractions and how these can pull us away from our present focus. Our feelings are connected to what we choose to ignore or deal with in the moment. Comparing ourselves with others and judging is a choice-and can be a distraction pulling us away from our focus. This judgement switches us over to our emotional brain, to deal with the painful feelings of inadequacy. It just helps to focus on what we can truly control-which is this moment NOW. I could live my whole life referring to the pain of my past or the uncertainties of my future, or even comparing myself with my 51 year old cohorts in the present and find all sorts of reasons to feel crummy. But if I focus on what I can control, what I choose to focus on each moment-I can find all sorts of reasons to feel good. My heart is beating, I am breathing, I am alive-right here-right now...Life is good.
What I didn't say, and what I think is key in dealing with pride and the elevation or debasing of self, is LOVE. Martin Luther King put it this way, "Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." According to Ezra Taft Benson, "The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition."
As I continue to compare and compete, the phrase that continues to help me is "God loves (blank)just as much as he does me. And he wants (blank) to have every blessing I have(and visa-versa) I just don't see how I can go wrong if I focus on love. As I glance across the room and see my red satin high heels strewn across the floor, they tell me to get off my high horse and put my bare feet on the floor (or better yet, kneel) being grounded in the present with LOVE .
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