Judgment Calls for Wisdom

This morning I was thinking about judgment calls I made this week-some not too wise.  My heart was already feeling a little anxious, which made decision making even more difficult. I don't even know why I've been so insecure lately.  One of my fickle and unfaithful partners in  Recreation Therapy is the weather.  Weather is an emotional beast-we never quite know what SHE is going to do.  Yet the x-country ski trip was on the sacred calendar, so I thought we needed to at least try to follow through with the plan to find some snow for experimentation with skis.  I tried to involve the students in the problem solving process, which only added to the emotional influence of the decision.  End result?  My intern summed it up pretty well as he called us wild land fire fighters dealing with brush fires-one melt down after another as the children struggled for success in icy conditions. And so it goes.  It was just a little too challenging and I should have known better.  Should have made a better judgment call...and I did with the girls trip.  We didn't go.  Instead we had a great after school leadership hike at Red ledges-taking advantage of our spring like conditions.  Live and learn.

One thing we learn in DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) is some mindfulness skills.  We practice focusing on one thing, not judging, and doing what works.  It's that judgment thing that tends to send us right over to our emotional brain.  One goal for DBT is trying to make decisions using the "wise mind".  This "place" is somewhere in between the rational and the emotional mind.  In Gordon Bruin's two brain theory, the limbic system (emotional brain)  and the prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) can't go to war against each other because the animal or survival brain is stronger and will win.  It's this middle ground where peace is found- a place of increased understanding, communication and connection between these aspects of our dual nature.  This place that allows our pre-frontal to influence and gently guide our limbic system.  I know in Freud's psyche construct, the super-ego, ego, and the id- we try to make rational decisions with the ego and not let the super judgy super-ego rule the day.  Judgment seems to bring out those perfectionist  tendencies that drive so much anxiety.  Yet judgment and using it is vital in making decisions when trying to distinguish between truth and error, between right and wrong.  I'm going to have to make judgment calls for the rest of my life, so I better get good at it or at least ask for greater wisdom.

If I could ask for one genie wish, would I ask for wisdom?  Probably not;  but Solomon did.  What preceded Solomon's petition for wisdom from the Lord was the realization Israel needed someone to sit in judgment. His father brought Israel together once more, but to keep it united would require wise judgment.  "And God said to Solomon, Because this was in thine heart, and thou hast not asked riches, wealth, or honour, nor the life of thine enemies, neither yet hast asked long life; but hast asked wisdom and knowledge for thyself, that thou mayest judge my people, over whom I have made thee king: Wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee; and I will give thee riches, and wealth, and honour, such as none of the kings have had that have been before thee, neither shall there any after thee have the like."  (2 Chronicles 1:11, 12)

I think it is safe to say that I have plenty of waring voices inside me that need unification.  I too need to sit in judgment.  I need to make wise decisions.  I want to be the King of Me-not be controlled and subjugated by the will of my unruly parts and passions, or unstable weather moods.  I need wisdom.  I want wisdom to help me make better judgement calls.  I think Jacob says it best, "Oh be wise;  what can I say more?