Whatever It Takes/However Long

This morning I was thinking about my upsetting dream where my son was reporting about his first year away at college and his lack of church attendance.  Then the face of my boy changed and it was another son telling me about his vindictive behavior towards a fellow student. (Subconsciously, I think that was because my son recently played a bully in an independent film.) Then my mom, who seemed to be in the dorm room also, piped in how I could have done things differently as a mom and done a better job with my children. At this point I woke up.  I felt upset.  Happy Mother's Day to me!  But immediately as I was rehashing the dream in my mind, a very distinct thought came pouring in..."Whatever it takes-however long."  That thought seemed to hush my worries and bring peace.  I didn't quite know what it meant, but in the next couple of hours I tried to turn things over in my mind to make sense of it.

It was a good thing this dream/nightmare woke me up at that moment since I noticed a call coming in from my son. I silenced the phone last night and now it was vibrating. He reminded me to meet him at a freeway exit in about 45 minutes to take him to the airport.  Previously I thought he meant to take him around 5:00 p.m.- not 5:00 a.m! While waiting in the parking lot, I started listening to an old Jeffrey Holland talk, "However Long and Hard the Road"  from a 1982 BYU devotional. I thought it went along with the "Whatever It Takes" idea. My son was taking longer than expected so I stopped what I was doing and prayed. I imagined car accidents and speeding tickets; I knew he was in a rush.  When he got there he explained his difficulties with his storage unit, getting pulled over for a faulty speedometer, and now was almost an hour late to get to the airport.  It was no surprise to either of us when my car was now dead and needed a jump and he almost locked his keys in the car.  I just burst out laughing-our very own comedy of errors.  But we kept going-hurdle after hurdle and he miraculously made his flight, at least according to his text.   I texted him back, "Whatever it takes-however long.  I will help you on your journey. Your mom loves you forever."

I helped him on his journey-at least for that small stretch of I-15 from Provo to SLC airport.  I filled up the gas tank yesterday when thinking I may need to run down to St. George to pick up the remainder of my son's stuff that wouldn't fit into the VW bug. In the end, he didn't need my help. He's here now with 2 other newly acquired friends sleeping safe and sound in the basement.  We try-we all try as parents to help our children on their life journeys.  But I think the "whatever it takes" didn't so much refer to MY efforts-but THEIRS.  As a mother, sometimes I think I need to have super-hero power actions to save my family. Yesterday, my daughter took me to the "Avengers" movie and I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the ridiculous action sequences-doing "whatever" to neutralize threats and save the day. I think it's pretty easy to laugh (or cry) at the "whatever" moments in the lives of my children as they try to heroically face their challenges and learn from them.  It's all part of their journey, and as their mother, it is my privilege to help, carry them and give needed rides on their way.

This idea of helping each other on life journeys seems to go along with my weekend studies of energy healing and other alternative medicine.  Though I do not believe in Buddist philosophies of past lives, I do believe I am here on earth to learn from my mistakes and will be learning forever.  In some faiths the goal isn't to keep being reincarnated over and over again but to eventually return back to the source-oneness, consciousness, divinity...to go back home.  It's the collective will, egolessness or the "blowing out of self" that helps people experience the transcendental state of Nirvana.  I differ in that I believe in the permanence of individual intelligence-or that sense of "I am" and I'm trying to return back to my Heavenly home.  I have always existed.  I exist now.  I will always exist.  And yet, if people have compassion about someone who has been reincarnated many times cause he can't seem to get it right-why can't I give myself that same compassion when I mess up or my loved ones mess up-how many chances do we get anyway? How many lifetimes do we need to live?  As many as it takes-whatever it takes-however long.  Each day, each hour, each minute can be like a "new life" to try to get it right this time.

All I know is that I need to be empowered to keep trying.   On this Mother's Day, I want to continue to help my children as they continue on their journey.  I know where I want them to go.  I want them to love God and show it (including going to church!).  I want them to love their fellowman (treat others well!) and show it.  I want them to be ONE with their maker.  If God has infinite patience with me, why can't I show more compassion and less judgement as that mother voice in my head yammers on. I honor their efforts and I say again, "Whatever it takes-however long-I will continue to help them on their journey." That's my honor as a mother.