This morning I was thinking about problems, emergencies and living happily ever after. The week after my daughter's 2 diamond all inclusive hotel honeymoon,the late night call came to tell me about her broken washing machine and if it was her fault or not if her basement flooded etc. Dread filled my soul as I thought, "Oh no-here it starts-a billion years worth of my children coming to me with their adult problems." I didn't really do anything but listen and empathize. I want to "be there" for my children but I can not fix everything. Sometimes I can literally do nothing. As adults they have to be responsible, but I know I will want to help when I can-like my parents have helped me throughout my adult life with my own problems. My mom has never said, "Well YOUR problems are not MY problems-leave me alone-let me go to sleep. I got my own stuff to deal with" She's only a phone call away. And thank goodness for that. Yet, I don't know if I'm cut out for a lifetime of being 911 emergency dispatch operator for each of my children. It's a high stress job with the potential of giving me my own heart attack or at the least breaking my heart into a thousand pieces. It hurts when my children are not happy or are dealing with the challenges of mortal life. I want them to be okay. I long for the day when there is nothing wrong with them or their circumstances. I want that for myself.
Who wouldn't want to live in a world where everything ran smoothly-all our needs are provided for-no problems-no challenges. Yet that was the situation existing in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve could not feel sorrow or joy. Like Elder Scott said," The Fall made possible in our lives feelings of both happiness and sadness. We are able to understand peace because we feel turmoil." But even after our mortal turmoil is over and promises fulfilled with no more death, sorrow, or pain-will we still have problems-perhaps a whole universe full of them? Will we still call out for help? Will there be emergencies? Will we have problems? God is already an exalted being and he has problems...US! Is that what's in store for me in my quest for godhood-just listening and responding to billions of problems? How can he feel peace with all this turmoil? How can he be happy when his children are suffering? How can he be happy when so many of his children (at least 1/3 who never even will have the chance to come to earth) seem to be without hope of happy ever after but instead "go away into everlasting fire." And that's not even considering God's children on earth certainly breaking his heart with their unwise choices. How does he deal with his own broken heart? How does he deal with shame or does he feel shame? Surely his children's choices affect him emotionally-in a most personal way. After all-he created us. We carry his genetics. Instead of the question of whether or not God cares or exists because of world suffering, How does he deal with the burden of caring too much- caring enough to listen and respond to problems without them weighing him down- feeling earth's pull of gravity-how does he stay above the fray and not get sucked into darkness and despair?
Perhaps when God listens to problems he doesn't make those problems about him. He doesn't self-evaluate every time his children mess up. He's able to focus on US instead of himself or at least not make "everything about me" the way I do at times. Sometimes I not only feel bad about my children's pain and problems but I make it my problem as well and take it personally as if their having problems reflects on MY success as a parent. The shame comes by feeling like I'm a bad person because I am a bad parent-why else would my child be making these choices. I should have helped them make better choices. I think, "what could I have done differently." or "what more could I have done." It makes me think of the allegory of the wild and tame olive trees recorded in the Zenos where the Lord states," It grieveth me that I should lose them. But what could I have done more in my vineyard? Have I slackened mine hand, that I have not nourished it? " I know when my heart is breaking, aching, grieving-I feel weakened (my hand is slackened) and I don't seem to have the strength to keep nourishing my own family tree, let alone a whole vineyard. How does he do it? And how will he feel when it all goes up in flames when he causes, "the good and the bad to be gathered; and the good will I preserve unto myself, and the bad will I cast away into its own place. And then cometh the season and the end; and my vineyard will I cause to be burned with fire."
I'm not at the stage yet where I'm ready to burn it all down (though my son's Buddha candle almost caught his room on fire last week). I live right next to the fire station-which is a good thing. Maybe I should take a page from their playbook and adopt their attitude when responding to fires-or 911 calls for help- They are prepared to respond-they know what to do-they have real skills, they're strong , they work hard and play hard. They don't react-they respond. Even the calm and non-reactive attitude of a 911 operator is worthy of emulation as they listen and calmly dispatch help to the crisis. Whether it's emotional strength or physical strength there is no "slackened hand" there with these public servants. They respond to "nourish" or care for those in need and address their problems. They're used to dealing with problems-that's all they do 24/7 is respond to emergencies or problems.-they've developed incredible emotional and physical muscles.
I suppose if handling problems, stress or challenges create strength-then the Father of us all is about the strongest guy in the universe. I appreciated Elder Dallin Oaks conference talk wherein he reminds us, "The Savior has the power to succor-to help-every mortal pain and affliction. Sometimes His power heals an infirmity, but the scriptures and our experience teach that sometimes He succors or helps by giving us the strength or patience to endure our infirmities" He bears all things and he helps us bear things also. I loved Jeffrey Holland's beautiful talk drawing attention to these words, "Bear, borne, carry, deliver. These are powerful, heartening messianic words. They convey help and hope and safe movement from where we are to where we need to be-but cannot get without assistance." When referring to a mother's love "approximating the pure love of Christ" he adds "This kind of resolute love 'suffereth long, and is kind,...seeketh not her own...but...beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." Most encouraging of all, such fidelity "never faileth." He ends his talk admonishing women to "Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love 'never faileth." When my strength is slack and I feel like I have nothing left to give to nourish my children, I need to feel God's love and strength to continue responding to my never ending stream of problems and 911 emergencies.
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