If It Makes You Happy-It Can't Be That Bad

This morning I was thinking of on old 90's song lyric, "If It Makes You Happy-It Can't Be That Bad" and if I agree with that statement.  And what does that have to do with respecting each others' differences? Sparked by conversations this week, I've thought of my children's requests to give them more respect-especially in regards to living the law of chastity, defined as sexual relations between a man and woman, legally married.  Though they know I love them no matter what, they want to feel like the "no matter what" doesn't matter or shouldn't matter; not only does it not matter, but is a healthy, normal, acceptable choice that makes them feel happy; as if ignoring God's laws is the pathway to person freedom and happiness; that sin really doesn't exist-there is no right or wrong-I gonna make my own commandments for happy living 'cause the other commandments make me feel like a piece of #@$#!  Everyone is just different-and those differences should be respected, appreciated and applauded. It's the "that's okay for you mentality"- do what ever makes you happy and here's my support.  In addition, I'm so accepting of your differing values that you can do whatever you want in the room next to me or in my bathtub-go right ahead-I "respect" you-we're just different. Unconditional love means unconditional boundaries.

I just read something that talked about boundaries being the line separating where you end and me begins.  It was put much more eloquently.  But I think that's where I start to feel uncomfortable when other people's values start to spill over into my own space-the center of my home or even the center of my heart.  How can there be unity with such diversity? How can my children not only feel accepted but also respected when I in fact, do not respect or hold in high regard that particular choice that goes against God's laws?  Why do I feel like I'm lying if I say I am proud of their choices, when I'm not?  When is "That's OK for you" not enough?  It's like they don't want to be referred to as a "sinner" even if it's only in my mind.  They want me to think it's not sinning-that it's not wrong. That it has never been wrong or times have changed.  That 76.5%(made up percentage)  of the people on the planet "do it" so it must be right. I'm the one that needs to change my thinking-if I don't, then I'm intolerant, unsympathetic, bigot, racist, whatever derogatory term fits the bill. I must respect diversity of values.

I know there was some people who "resigned" from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints last week.  I assume this means they made a formal request to have their names removed from church records. Perhaps this made them feel like they were respecting the LGBT community and children growing up in LGBT households or that the church's policy affronted their own sense of right and wrong, fairness, etc.  During the month of November, I read the announcement to church policy, watched Elder D. Todd's Christopher response, read the first presidency's letter of explanation, read the latest context press release by church public affairs chair. There was no "disturbance in the force" in my faith in Jesus Christ as a result of these announcements or in my reaction to policy or doctrine.  I appreciated the affirmation that same sex attraction is not a sin.  That same sex-marriage is considered a sin requiring church discipline. It made sense to me in regards to child welfare. Perhaps because I grew up with parents with differing values and know how it negatively affects children.  It was confusing and conflictual for my obedient brother to feel like his own father didn't respect his choices and wasn't pleased with him as a "real man" due to their differing views of manhood. My own children have grown up with parents with differing views of right and wrong and it has deeply confused their faith and caused considerable conflict.

Regardless I have to figure out this respect thing before alienating my sweet children. I love them.  I want them to be happy.  Respect not only includes how I feel about them but how I treat them.  I had a friend whose husband did horrible things and made her feel terrible about herself.  My gut reaction was to treat him horrible-how dare you treat my friend like that!  But I tried to treat him the opposite of what I felt.  I spoke to him in a way not only pointing out his strengths but trying to make him feel like I thought he was the best husband ever.  I showed respect and tried to make it as sincere as I could.  Over the years, I have seen him become a man worthy of my respect.  I'm so happy for my friend, for her husband, and happy I did not disrespect him to his face.

I do not believe doing whatever makes you happy can't be that bad.  It can be bad.  We are all sinners-everyone-everywhere and we get to repent.  What a privilege to repent and change and align ourselves to the laws by which happiness is governed.  "Wickedness never was happiness" nor will it ever be. Yet, I can follow the church's example to treat others with respect; "All children are to be treated with utmost respect and love. They are welcome to attend Church meetings and participate in Church activities. All children may receive priesthood blessings of healing and spiritual guidance."  I too, can respect my children regarding their choices by encouraging participation, healing, and guidance offered with unconditional love-even if that love comes with some personal boundaries and limits.