Avoidance

This morning I was thinking about avoidance and how good I am at it.  As proof, I wrote some sentences  about avoidance a couple weeks ago, erased them, and then avoided writing in my blog for the past month.  I've been avoiding all sorts of things; phone calls, letters, treasured friends, problems, responsibilities, just about everything.  I couple avoidance with some of its other popular companion behaviors such as escapism, hiding, isolating and good old fashioned running away.   One of my guilty pleasures is looking for RT jobs in Hawaii or beach cities in So. Cal.  In fact, if there is ever a posting for a Recreation Therapist in Laguna Beach-I'm so out of here.   So what am I running away from?  Why am I so anxious these days?  What are my issues?  Too many to number.

Perhaps my latest behaviors are a knee jerk reaction to confronting my x-husband on the phone over the holidays.  I felt like I drew a line in the sand stating he would not be living with me once he gets out of prison nor will we be connected financially in anyway.  I'm sure I'll have to repeat that statement about 1000 times over the next year, but at least I've said it out loud and I think he understood.  Over the past 7 years I've accumulated boxes and boxes of his letters and documents-the majority of them unopened. I suppose the letters are proof that someone in the universe still cares and wants me in some form or fashion.  But more than that, I'm afraid that if I put an end to that, I may be putting an end to that-no support-you're on your own kid. Good luck with figuring out how to support yourself financially.  Good luck with finding love.  Lately, I've consigned myself to solidarity as I try to focus on my family, work, and church life.   There's plenty to fill my life with meaning and purpose.

Though being a recluse surely isn't healthy, sometimes avoidance has an upside.  I don't always have to be grabbing the bull by the horns and tackling every problem and issue.  That surely isn't the strategy for all those wishing to "run with the bulls" in Pamplona every year.  Instead,  "Get Out of the Way" is the smartest move. All sorts of dangers can be avoided by walking away, ignoring, getting out of town, letting things lie, thinking about it tomorrow etc, etc.  Fight or flight are both valid alternatives for survival.  Flight isn't necessarily the weakling way out or the coward's path.  Sometimes it takes great courage to walk away and leave a comfortable situation or walk away from an uncomfortable situation. Sometimes flight is a way of fighting back.  Sometimes an aerial view gives heightened perspective.  Just ask the birds.  Fly away!


As Robert D. Hales, apostle and former air force pilot advises, "Never deliberately fly into a thunderstorm." He spoke of righteous people who "avoid" temptation and evil.  "Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife.  Lehi took his family and left Jerusalem.  Mary and Joseph fled into Egypt to escape Herod's plot.  In every instance, Heavenly Father warned these believers.  Similarly, He will help us know whether to fight, flee, or go with the flow."  Avoidance can be good, especially if it is what God is telling you to do.

My avoidance isn't necessarily divinely directed, but I also want to acknowledge that it's not always a cop out response for dealing with personal stress. It can be a way of purposely diverting energy and attention. Professionally speaking, I believe recreation can be tool to divert attention away from upsetting thoughts and feelings or divert attention back to the task at hand.  Learning how to shift one's focus back and forth can build "attention muscles" helping to avoid emotional mine fields. Diverting is a verb related to avoiding and distracting.  When done purposefully, it gives me a sense of control as I decide the where, when and how of my attention.

I'm not saying I should continue avoiding everything.  There comes a time to sweep the minefield.  I have to confront my own demons, or even be responsible enough to log in and look at my bank balance. Confrontation, accountability, honest feedback, problem solving, or just plain facing the music are required. However, avoidance isn't always my enemy; it's an appreciated friend I can embrace-or at least give an occasional side hug.