Have You Tried Your Very Best?

 Recently I had the question posed to me, "Have you tried your very best?"  It was in regards to my marriage. It triggered a series negative emotions, unkind thoughts as well as knee jerk defensive reactions.  It brought to mind a series of questions including, "Have you tried you very best as a woman?  Have you tried your very best as a mom?  Have you tried your very best in the workplace?  Have you tried your very best regarding gospel living?  

It was followed by a comment about the importance of truthfully responding- calling into question my integrity.  Though I had taken offense, the whole experience highlighted one of my core issues of being enough or doing "all I can do" to be acceptable.  This dis-ease comes from being judged and finding myself lacking in one or many areas.  It also alludes to the most important future moment of the final judgement.  How I don't want to be found missing the mark, not being enough, not having done enough, not having really "done my best."  Can't I always do more?  Can't I always be a little better? It's not even really about perfectionism, it's more about giving a quantitative or qualitative rendering of "my best efforts."  

Though this question has lingered in my mind for many years, I remember a sentinel moment where I felt like my question had truly been answered.  It was a giant "AHA" moment combined with an electric confirmation of its' veracity.   It was at a singles conference, of all places.  I actually really liked the EFY sensibility of all the workshops for the older crowd.  I don't know if I've written about this before. If so, I think it's worth repeating.

During the brief talk, the speaker (I can't even remember his name) referenced a scripture, "2 Nephi 25:23: “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” 

He provided insight into the phrase " all we can do."  Instead of emphasizing the unlimited "all" word, the emphasis was on the "we can do"-almost suggesting a limiting quality or finite, sub par performance. He helped me understand that Christ provides the 100% best effort through his atonement.  It's NOT a math equation where I try my best and do 10% and he makes up the difference.  He is the difference.  He makes all the difference.  Doing what "I can do" by exercising faith in his infinite, unlimited atonement enables me to access his complete 100% grace in spite of my limited version of doing my best. 

I will never be enough, but with faith in Him, Jesus Christ, that is completely okay.  He is my judge.  He truly knows the desires of my heart and my sincere efforts to exercise faith in him.  I rely on his judgement.  If there is room for improvement or redirecting my energy, I want to increase my faith, even strive for a more perfect faith in him and his perfect atonement.  

 With increased understanding, I have personally felt the spirit tell me over and over again that I truly am enough.  Others may not agree.  But that's okay. He accepts my offering.  He accepts my efforts as a woman, wife, mother, worker bee, or disciple. I do not have to justify that to anyone.