This morning I was thinking about my family. My nephew's son, Sean Patrick O'Malley (age 16) achieved a perfect score on his SAT exam. As a consequence, Harvard university reached out to him and told him they were interested in his success. I've told people I know, and people I don't really know about his success. I'm am not only proud of Sean Patrick, but I take pride in his accomplishments-I own them in part, for he is family and I am part of this great extended O'Malley family.
When family members make good choices, I rejoice. When good things happen to them, I feel happy. When they feel happy, I feel happy with them. When they make poor choices, I mourn. When bad things happen, I mourn. I feel hurt with them. Their success, is my success. Their pain is my pain. The stronger the connection, the more I really feel these emotions with them. The more I am connected to the person, the more I am able to rejoice or mourn. The more I am connected, the more I care. The end game is empathy. It's all about connection. Or as Brene Brown put it, "Empathy fuels connection." I believe that. Not saying I always get it right. At times I stumble in my communication with my loved ones resulting in a major disconnect. However, I keep trying to increase my empathetic responses. I have lots of good examples to follow.
One powerful example of a connected empathetic family is the Porras Clan. My daughter married into a wonderful big Mexican family. Under the direction of their patriarch and matriarch, Alfonso and Alejandra Porras, they get together often to share their lives and care about one another. They just recently went an amusement park with all the families. Throughout the year they celebrate and recreate together. Their large extended family gets together for every birthday complete with large inflatables, amazing food and homemade piñatas. I think Alejandra has made over 70 of these masterpieces-one for each child and grandchild over the past 10 years. Each piñata takes several days to make. The siblings work together at their father's candy factory. They also get together to work out at a gym most mornings to support each other with their health goals. The family all showed up to cheer on Alfonso when he ran his marathon. All the cousins play soccer together. I could go on an on-and that is not even mentioning the constant stream of everyday service these family members do for each other from cleaning, cooking, babysitting, moving, and financial and emotional support.
It is absolutely wonderful that my grandchildren are growing up in an extended family. They love their cousins like brothers. Each auntie and uncle look after each other's children. They care about their welfare, sincerely. They spend so much time together that they truly know each others hearts and minds. It is a family knit together in unity and love. It is a most valuable social resource.
Extended families who barely get together cannot expect to achieve these results. Extended families members who refuse to show up will also miss out on the potential of social support as well. Sometimes infrequent gatherings result in interactions characterized by awkwardness, misunderstandings, competition, comparing, judgment, guilt and shame. In the fervent desire to connect, people stumble and fall, stumble and fail, stumble and disconnect. I have been in such environments but I have also been in social environments that felt like one big happy Mexican extended family. Organized religion, or church is one such example in my life. I can honestly say, I have felt connected to each ward family I have been a member of. It has truly been one of the most glorious social and spiritual resources in my life.
One of the reasons I have been going up to Salt Lake so much during the past few months is to help my daughter and her family access valuable resources in her new community including their church. In a perfect world, her new ward, The Butler 3rd ward, can function much like her wonderful Mexican family. The potential is there for a extended church family. I just don't think you can have too many people to care about and who in turn can care about you. Like the aunties looking out for each other's children, the primary leaders and teachers can come to know and love my grandbabies and care for their welfare. Relative strangers can become spiritual relatives loved as real brothers and sisters. Relief Society and serving others, can give opportunities for my daughter to share her heart and mind and feel truly understood.
Social support through organized religion in general, is an amazing force throughout the world. Spirituality can be individual, but fellowship happens in groups-groups of people that many times end up feeling like a family knit together in unity and love. We can own each others joys and sorrows, successes and failures through empathetic connection. Ideally, with this connection, we can do something about it to support one another throughout our lives in our big wonderful extended global family.
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