Hanging Out

This morning I was thinking about my neglect of special friends and how we haven't hung out in a long time. I've been so caught up with the task of trying to figure out how to take care of myself that I haven't given them quality attention.  I think they know I care about them, but my actions sure don't say that. I know with all living things, if we don't give them the attention they require, they wither and die- or at least they aren't as strong and vibrant.  I suppose that's why I don't have plants to water anymore. How can I really "be there" for someone if I don't know what's going on?   Giving quality attention to people takes time and sometimes I spend it attending to various tasks rather than nurturing life.

I think I first became aware of my tendency to place tasks over people during my college freshman year. My best friend was the best at hanging out with friends in their dorm rooms.  People knew she loved and cared about them.  She was there in their time of need. She was full of charity and formed close bonds with several people.  I saw the value in making and keeping friends but my inner time clock was always ticking- I need to get going and do "my stuff".  I can't just shoot the breeze- for hours.  I guess it was the same with the mission.  In some circles I was known as "the machine"- always working, working, working- not spending hours at member's homes eating and hanging out.  I saw these activities as time wasters-after all I was on the Lord's errand to preach his gospel- and I needed to knock doors and give discussions- not socialize all the time.  Near the end of my mission, one of the most beloved members told me how horrible my Spanish was.  I suppose it was because I spent most of my time knocking doors and having superficial conversations instead of really connecting with the Spanish people through hanging out.

I have witnessed many examples of "people" people.  My x-husband was a master at giving people quality attention.  He had a way of drawing people in and forming close relationships when others felt like truly cared for on a deep personal level. His mother is the same way-she draws people in and holds them dear. If your not already family-she will make you "family." One of my most favorite people at work is a people person. Queen bee at the social game, she truly loves people and looks for ways to serve them. She knows how to "be there" for someone. She can talk your ear off but manages to get her work done. She has become a central figure in my work family as she promotes this "family"connection with everyone she comes in contact with.   When I was an intern I remember judging my mentor spending a lot of time in queen bee's office socializing.  I thought, "Wow, are we getting paid for this? " In my prior "squeeze every ounce of slave productivity"job, I probably would have been fired for sitting around talking about personal stuff. I think I've changed a bit through the years.

Though I've been aware of this task vs. people dilemma, I've focused on balancing the two. I'll invest the time and energy for a family gathering but after about 2-3 hours- I'm out.  I'm usually the first one to leave with my "Got things to do,"excuse. Lately I haven't even given any excuses- I just leave.  I see the value in both things-people and tasks.  I juggle them rather than seeing them as one and the same.  However, aren't people my main task?  Relationships surely aren't just a means to an end-they are the end.  If God's main work is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life" of man, then his all important task is "people" and His relationship with us.  How he want us to "hang out" with him!

I don't think I've every thought of prayer being an opportunity to socialize or "hang out" with God. Since I don't believe I'm primarily connecting with the energy of the universe rather I am  talking to a person- my Father; That is if I truly believe that Joseph Smith talked to God and His Son face to face as two personages...and I do.  If I'm feeling a twinge of guilt for neglecting my relationship with friends, how should I feel about my "attention all over the place" prayers. One minute I'm thanking him for blessings, then my mind shifts to important tasks I need to get done, then it shifts to a phrase from a pop song, then back to asking God for what I need, then to a scene from a movie, then to something I forgot to do around the house, then to an image of a cute guy's face, etc. etc.   It's crazy!  I should probably guide my thoughts better by praying vocally instead of silently. I want to learn how to reign in these wild horses (aka-crazy thoughts).  How embarrassed I would be at the "recording" of my thoughts during a silent prayer.  If I talked like that to a friend, they would think I was on acid. How would it be possible to truly connect when my mind is elsewhere?  Would we feel close?  Would we understand each other?  Would they think I even care?  No,  I care about my cares since my attention is all over the place. I need to "be there" for them-giving them my FULL attention.  I feel if I do this with my relationship with God, not only will I  feel like He is "there for me"- but I am actually THERE as opposed to my mind floating someone in space.  Ideally I would like to feel like He is not only THERE for me, but He is HERE with me now as I approach every task. Instead of balancing task and people-it becomes the perfect fusion of the two.  At least this is the idea behind the sacramental promise-that His spirit will be with us always.  In that regard I want that Spirit to "hang out" with me always.