This morning I was thinking about my family gift this Christmas-a yellow tandem bike standing as a symbol of enabling power. I'm trying to give a positive "spin" on my ever constant criticism of enabling others-perpetuating problems instead of solving them. Through the years, my helping sometimes does more harm than good. At times I've rescued others when they need to feel the entire weight of their choices and face the consequences motivating them to change. I've fostered irresponsible behaviors resulting in weakness rather than strength. I need to do things differently. At times it's like I've been driving the tandem bike and letting others rest their feet on the peddles while throwing their hands up in the air shouting, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee- this is fun! Look no hands-I'm riding a bike! Go faster!"
A bicycle under the tree just screams awesome Christmas, at least it did for me as a child growing up in the Long Beach-that is until bikes were stolen. I think I had about 4 bikes lifted-one even from my own backyard. In defiance or stupidity, I currently park my son's beater beach cruiser in front of my condo-perhaps just to test the would be thieves in Provo, Utah or maybe just because I can. It feels good to see the bike there to greet me when I come home from work. As part of my Christmas present this year, this used (a little dented) tandem bike will eventually be parked in front-as a happy decoration. Granted it's a little nicer than cruiser, but I think no one will take it for good. I'm going to laminate a sign and attach it to the handle bars, "Borrow Me! Ride me around then return me so others can enjoy!" If the bright yellow tandem is stolen quickly, then I'll just rack it up as a neighborhood donation-brightening someone's day. Maybe they needed it more than I did. I don't think my kids are going to use it too much anyway. It's just a visual aide for the real present-my continued commitment to help and strengthen them throughout their life. Rather than enabling them, I need to help them be strong-help them develop the muscles to do
things independently so they can get where they want to go.
One thing is certain, you can't drive a tandem bike from the passenger
position on a tandem bike. Pedal power and fixed handle bars won't do
the trick. Limited steering capability and awkward balance requirements
make it nearly impossible-unless all you have in mind is falling over and crashing. Help from a trusted driver is necessary to get where you want to go. It takes two baby!
And if you venture out on a tandem alone, driving in the front-you just look stupid. The bike isn't designed that way. You're hauling
around a lot more weight than you need to- a definite waste of resource.
Besides that, it's no fun.
I also want this Christmas Tandem Bike to remind my children about the Master Enabler and being willing to get on the bike with him. Though I want to encourage independence and responsibility, I also want to encourage dependence on the Lord. Wonderful strengthening help is available. Elder Bednar teaches about the enabling power of the atonement. "Grace is frequently is used in the scriptures to connote a strengthening or enabling power. 'The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ. It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through
faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins,
receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise
would not be able to maintain if left to their own means' Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to
see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize
or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity."
It is fun to ride through life in tandem with God's help. We can trust
him. He won't let us fall. We weren't meant to travel alone- we're not
designed or built that way. Sure we can try it but this kind of independent, self sustaining wisdom is foolishness. Besides, it's completely unnecessary to go at it all alone-a definite waste of resource. You have a yellow tandem bike man-use it! Everybody use it!
Friday, December 25, 2015
Monday, December 14, 2015
Crushing Weight of Judgment
This morning I was thinking about the weight of judgment and how heavy it sometimes rests on my heart. Sometimes it's connected with someone's opinion of my choices, my value, even my own worth. It is a concern or even anxiety over what other people think of me. Recently I avoided a conversation with someone because I didn't want to hear judgements about me or my family. Why would I purposely place myself in a situation to listen to the judgements of others? However, I found my fear of judgment was replaced by love- love for this stranger and her family and increased love for my own family. I related to her how I recently told my son that I didn't care what she thought about him- rather I cared more about his own judgements. And I do! How proud I am of the progress he continues to make, separating his sense of worth from behaviors and showing genuine love and care for himself and others. It is a beautiful thing. Yet I know it's hard, even crushing, when someone doesn't think highly of me-doesn't accept me-doesn't think I am a good person-doesn't esteem me to be worthy of their association. It's easy to go on the defensive and try to do something to protect myself and my family-to protect our hearts from judgement so they won'd get crushed from judgement.
Several years ago, we lived in what I referred to as the "fishbowl" house. All the neighbors had a 360 degree view of our house. If there was something ugly strewn across our property, there was no backyard or high fence to shield it from the view of surrounding neighbors. It was all out in the open, for everyone to see-to judge-to complain about. As a result of this "trauma" when I take neighborhood walks sometimes I like to judge a family by the quality of their landscaping. It's wickedly fun to be highly critical and superficial. I did it just the other day when I was out driving looking at neighborhood Christmas lights and judging Christmas spirit while avoiding said phone call. (By the way, I don't have a lawn to care for anymore and I didn't put up any Christmas lights.) Anyway...while living in the fishbowl house, my husband and I made up a family motto that went something like this: "Screw You! I don't care what anyone thinks. Love is the most important thing!" I don't think I would cross stitch the first part but it made the point. We wanted our children to care more about what God thinks about them- not what the neighbors thought of our family...and God thinks we are WONDERFUL.
As I interact with others, I try to make them feel wonderful-no matter what. Even though I may have some harsh judgements regarding their behaviors, I want them to feel empowered to make necessary changes. Most people already know what they need to do differently. I feel like there is credence to the saying, "When you criticize, the spirit comforts; when you love the spirit condemns." Yet, I cannot avoid judgement. Though people hate being judged-we all do it. Judgement and mercy stand together. No matter how nonjudgmental I try to be, I have to judge. Judgement is a verb as well as a noun.
Judging between good and evil, between right and wrong is a core function of my brain. I exercise judgement every time I make a decision. It is a mental weighing with the great scales of justice-should I do this, or should I do that? What is the right what is wrong? What will be of most worth to me and my family? People who don't weigh the impact of their choices are often seen as impulsive or reactive. I know Eve didn't just look at the forbidden fruit and gobble it down. She thought. She weighed the impact of her possible choice. She judged. And ultimately that choice opened up a whole world for all of us as we seek to gain knowledge of good and evil, truth and error. Adam and Eve's choice made it possible for us to weigh things out for ourselves-to balance the scales-to make "deliberate" choices filled with purpose and intent- to deliberate! This is the judgement I'm concerned with. We get to judge every waking moment. Though not all choices have such an overarching impact, I'm thankful for the ability to weigh my choices. Instead of avoiding judgement, I want to embrace it and appreciate the great weight of thinking before I act; to actually care about what I think-or giving care to what I think. Judgement will help me decide if a choice is worth making. This great weighing on the scales of judgment will help me get my money's worth with my time on this earth. When it comes to exercising sound judgment- we can crush it!
Several years ago, we lived in what I referred to as the "fishbowl" house. All the neighbors had a 360 degree view of our house. If there was something ugly strewn across our property, there was no backyard or high fence to shield it from the view of surrounding neighbors. It was all out in the open, for everyone to see-to judge-to complain about. As a result of this "trauma" when I take neighborhood walks sometimes I like to judge a family by the quality of their landscaping. It's wickedly fun to be highly critical and superficial. I did it just the other day when I was out driving looking at neighborhood Christmas lights and judging Christmas spirit while avoiding said phone call. (By the way, I don't have a lawn to care for anymore and I didn't put up any Christmas lights.) Anyway...while living in the fishbowl house, my husband and I made up a family motto that went something like this: "Screw You! I don't care what anyone thinks. Love is the most important thing!" I don't think I would cross stitch the first part but it made the point. We wanted our children to care more about what God thinks about them- not what the neighbors thought of our family...and God thinks we are WONDERFUL.
As I interact with others, I try to make them feel wonderful-no matter what. Even though I may have some harsh judgements regarding their behaviors, I want them to feel empowered to make necessary changes. Most people already know what they need to do differently. I feel like there is credence to the saying, "When you criticize, the spirit comforts; when you love the spirit condemns." Yet, I cannot avoid judgement. Though people hate being judged-we all do it. Judgement and mercy stand together. No matter how nonjudgmental I try to be, I have to judge. Judgement is a verb as well as a noun.
Judging between good and evil, between right and wrong is a core function of my brain. I exercise judgement every time I make a decision. It is a mental weighing with the great scales of justice-should I do this, or should I do that? What is the right what is wrong? What will be of most worth to me and my family? People who don't weigh the impact of their choices are often seen as impulsive or reactive. I know Eve didn't just look at the forbidden fruit and gobble it down. She thought. She weighed the impact of her possible choice. She judged. And ultimately that choice opened up a whole world for all of us as we seek to gain knowledge of good and evil, truth and error. Adam and Eve's choice made it possible for us to weigh things out for ourselves-to balance the scales-to make "deliberate" choices filled with purpose and intent- to deliberate! This is the judgement I'm concerned with. We get to judge every waking moment. Though not all choices have such an overarching impact, I'm thankful for the ability to weigh my choices. Instead of avoiding judgement, I want to embrace it and appreciate the great weight of thinking before I act; to actually care about what I think-or giving care to what I think. Judgement will help me decide if a choice is worth making. This great weighing on the scales of judgment will help me get my money's worth with my time on this earth. When it comes to exercising sound judgment- we can crush it!
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Random Shiz
This morning I was thinking about all the random shiz I bought last week for my children. I say "random" because everything I purchased is nothing they asked for or even want. I think they are good gifts. I have dubbed this Christmas the year of "random shiz"; this is the way it will be this year. My baby son (19) doesn't believe me. He says I say every year how I don't have any money and how it will be a horrible Christmas- but it never is; somehow I'm able to get each child something they really want or something they really need. As a parent, it's what I strive for-that Christmas morning reaction when a child's face lights up because they got the present they wanted. Another family tradition is placing a gift under the tree with a baby Jesus figurine to symbolize the gift we all really want-the gift we really need-given from a loving Heavenly Father. I'm sure I'll place the baby Jesus under the tree again but the awesome eye popping, heart thumping, "perfect" Christmas gift will not be there. Not this year.
I'm really not trying to be heartless or inconsiderate. It's just that I've already spent Christmas on bills-a monthly payment for my daughter's wedding and a bounced tithing check back in April (I have to make good on that for tithing settlement.) The money is gone. I guess I don't want to be left empty handed on the most heralded day of giving-Christmas Day; so I bought a bunch of cheap crap and a big family gift to put under the tree. I will be assigning symbolic meaning to the gifts that may increase their value- my children are use to that. It's what I CAN do. Gifts are fun! For the first time in my mommy life, I'm completely done shopping for my children and it's only December 5th. Awesome! It will be great and hopefully a Christmas to remember-even if they just remember it as the Christmas of random shiz raining down on them.
Last week while substituting as primary chorister, I wanted to emphasize the concept of God's good gifts raining down on all of us, each and everyday. I used fall leaves like confetti and had the children gather them up while we were singing. In preparation, I gathered my own fall leaves on Thanksgiving morning and stuffed them in a large garbage sack. During singing time, I slung the bag over my shoulder to remind them of Santa Claus and his bag of gifts. I really do think there is a powerful connection between the gathering leaves of Thanksgiving and the freely given gifts of Christmas.
I'm not much into raking leaves or shoveling snow; it is one of the perks of lazy condo life. I remember my days of endlessly raking up leaves from the largest, messiest tree on Brookshire Circle (the city eventually cut it down) It was no fun and required many hours of hard work. Gathering leaves, or noticing the good in ourselves, in others, in the world around us also requires an expenditure of effort. It takes time to notice, write down, and thank God for these blessings each day. However, the more I do it, the more abundant I feel- to the point of seeing leaves rain down on a windy fall day and thinking of God's blessing being given in similar fashion. Beautiful falling leaves are inspiring. It is like the words of an obscure primary song, "Autumn Day, Autumn Day. God gives richest gifts today. Look on every side and see-pleasant things for you and me."
His gifts really do rain down and in many cases go unnoticed, unappreciated, devalued, or thrown out in the garbage in a big leaf bag. Who wants a leaf? That's so random. It's not what I asked for. Didn't you get my wish list? My prayers seem unanswered. Yet, if I look around and see his daily good gifts, I may find in all my random blessings an answer to a prayer-a blessing that I really need-maybe even something I really want. Afterall sometimes I don't even know what I really want or need. His daily gifts might not get that Christmas light up reaction in my face, but he keeps sending them my way-hoping I'll notice his "richest gifts." I know they key to Christmas this year, is increasing my gratitude and love for what he has already given. His gift that truly did come down from Heaven, "God so loved the world-that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Though many of God's children do not notice, accept, or value this sentiment, I do not want to view this gift of all gifts as "random shiz."
I'm really not trying to be heartless or inconsiderate. It's just that I've already spent Christmas on bills-a monthly payment for my daughter's wedding and a bounced tithing check back in April (I have to make good on that for tithing settlement.) The money is gone. I guess I don't want to be left empty handed on the most heralded day of giving-Christmas Day; so I bought a bunch of cheap crap and a big family gift to put under the tree. I will be assigning symbolic meaning to the gifts that may increase their value- my children are use to that. It's what I CAN do. Gifts are fun! For the first time in my mommy life, I'm completely done shopping for my children and it's only December 5th. Awesome! It will be great and hopefully a Christmas to remember-even if they just remember it as the Christmas of random shiz raining down on them.
Last week while substituting as primary chorister, I wanted to emphasize the concept of God's good gifts raining down on all of us, each and everyday. I used fall leaves like confetti and had the children gather them up while we were singing. In preparation, I gathered my own fall leaves on Thanksgiving morning and stuffed them in a large garbage sack. During singing time, I slung the bag over my shoulder to remind them of Santa Claus and his bag of gifts. I really do think there is a powerful connection between the gathering leaves of Thanksgiving and the freely given gifts of Christmas.
I'm not much into raking leaves or shoveling snow; it is one of the perks of lazy condo life. I remember my days of endlessly raking up leaves from the largest, messiest tree on Brookshire Circle (the city eventually cut it down) It was no fun and required many hours of hard work. Gathering leaves, or noticing the good in ourselves, in others, in the world around us also requires an expenditure of effort. It takes time to notice, write down, and thank God for these blessings each day. However, the more I do it, the more abundant I feel- to the point of seeing leaves rain down on a windy fall day and thinking of God's blessing being given in similar fashion. Beautiful falling leaves are inspiring. It is like the words of an obscure primary song, "Autumn Day, Autumn Day. God gives richest gifts today. Look on every side and see-pleasant things for you and me."
His gifts really do rain down and in many cases go unnoticed, unappreciated, devalued, or thrown out in the garbage in a big leaf bag. Who wants a leaf? That's so random. It's not what I asked for. Didn't you get my wish list? My prayers seem unanswered. Yet, if I look around and see his daily good gifts, I may find in all my random blessings an answer to a prayer-a blessing that I really need-maybe even something I really want. Afterall sometimes I don't even know what I really want or need. His daily gifts might not get that Christmas light up reaction in my face, but he keeps sending them my way-hoping I'll notice his "richest gifts." I know they key to Christmas this year, is increasing my gratitude and love for what he has already given. His gift that truly did come down from Heaven, "God so loved the world-that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Though many of God's children do not notice, accept, or value this sentiment, I do not want to view this gift of all gifts as "random shiz."
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