Crushing Weight of Judgment

This morning I was thinking about the weight of judgment and how heavy it sometimes rests on my heart. Sometimes it's connected with someone's opinion of my choices, my value, even my own worth. It is a concern or even anxiety over what other people think of me. Recently I avoided a conversation with someone because I didn't want to hear judgements about me or my family. Why would I purposely place myself in a situation to listen to the judgements of others? However, I found my fear of judgment was replaced by love- love for this stranger and her family and increased love for my own family. I related to her how I recently told my son that I didn't care what she thought about him- rather I cared more about his own judgements. And I do!  How proud I am of the progress he continues to make, separating his sense of worth from behaviors and showing genuine love and care for himself and others. It is a beautiful thing.   Yet I know it's hard, even crushing, when someone doesn't think highly of me-doesn't accept me-doesn't think I am a good person-doesn't esteem me to be worthy of their association. It's easy to go on the defensive and try to do something to protect myself and my family-to protect our hearts from judgement so they won'd get crushed from judgement.

Several years ago, we lived in what I referred to as the "fishbowl" house.  All the neighbors had a 360 degree view of our house.  If there was something ugly strewn across our property, there was no backyard or high fence to shield it from the view of surrounding neighbors. It was all out in the open, for everyone to see-to judge-to complain about.  As a result of this "trauma" when I take neighborhood walks sometimes I like to judge a family by the quality of their landscaping.  It's wickedly fun to be highly critical and superficial.  I did it just the other day when I was out driving looking at neighborhood Christmas lights and judging Christmas spirit while avoiding said phone call. (By the way, I don't have a lawn to care for anymore and I didn't put up any Christmas lights.) Anyway...while living in the fishbowl house, my husband and I made up a family motto that went something like this: "Screw You!  I don't care what anyone thinks. Love is the most important thing!"  I don't think I would cross stitch the first part but it made the point.  We wanted our children to care more about what God thinks about them- not what the neighbors thought of our family...and God thinks we are WONDERFUL.

As I interact with others, I try to make them feel wonderful-no matter what.  Even though I may have some harsh judgements regarding their behaviors, I want them to feel empowered to make necessary changes. Most people already know what they need to do differently.  I feel like there is credence to the saying, "When you criticize, the spirit comforts; when you love the spirit condemns."  Yet, I cannot avoid judgement.  Though people hate being judged-we all do it.  Judgement and mercy stand together.  No matter how nonjudgmental I try to be, I have to judge.  Judgement is a verb as well as a noun.

Judging between good and evil, between right and wrong  is a core function of my brain.  I exercise judgement every time I make a decision.  It is a mental weighing with the great scales of justice-should I do this, or should I do that? What is the right what is wrong?  What will be of most worth to me and my family?   People who don't weigh the impact of their choices are often seen as impulsive or reactive.  I know Eve didn't just look at the forbidden fruit and gobble it down.  She thought.  She weighed the impact of her possible choice.  She judged.  And ultimately that choice opened up a whole world for all of us as we seek to gain knowledge of good and evil, truth and error.  Adam and Eve's choice made it possible for us to weigh things out for ourselves-to balance the scales-to make "deliberate" choices filled with purpose and intent- to deliberate! This is the judgement I'm concerned with.  We get to judge every waking moment.  Though not all choices have such an overarching impact, I'm thankful for the ability to weigh my choices. Instead of avoiding judgement, I want to embrace it and appreciate the great weight of thinking before I act; to actually care about what I think-or giving care to what I think.  Judgement will help me decide if a choice is worth making. This great weighing on the scales of judgment will help me get my money's worth with my time on this earth.  When it comes to exercising sound judgment- we can crush it!