Pick Me Up

This morning I was thinking about my latest Moab camping trip.  2 weeks ago it was the hyperactive boys.  This week it was the drama-creating girls.  It was emotionally exhausting dealing with the histrionic behavior of one particular child.  It's like the proverbial saying, "I've fallen and can't get up."  But in this case it was " I'm going to fall, cry out, flail around and wave my arms until YOU help me get up-and when you ignore me or give me a consequence, I will intensify my efforts-a hundred fold." She is extremely intelligent, quite manipulative and will not stop until she gets what she wants. She physically clings to anyone who will give her attention.  She constantly cries and complains how everyone "hates" her and doesn't want to be around her.  Her peers are actually pretty tolerant and supportive-considering. When writing progress notes, the only word that came to mind to describe her behavior was "ridiculous".  And yet if all behavior is an attempt to meet a need, I'm reminded how her extreme attention seeking behavior craves approval and love from both peers and staff wanting someone to care about her, or care for her...Just pick me up. 

Reminds me how I was greeted by my glamorous Himalayan neighbor cat when unloading my camping gear at home.  She cries out for attention and I am compelled to pick her up. She almost not a kitten anymore.  She purrs so easily as I pet her though she really doesn't like to be held. She wants what she wants on her own terms.  As I pet her I tell her how I love her but I can't feed her or let her in my house. I don't want her to depend on us for survival, especially when I believe her owner still cares for her.  I haven't seen mother cat lately-she use to be the one craving attention.  This little one seems a bit abandoned by everyone-at least she acts like it.  I sometimes cheat and let my daughter give her a saucer of milk.  I do love her and at times I even identify with her. 

My own histrionic behavior caused me to lose sleep during our camp out.  I was attention seeking and craved love, approval and connection.  I felt like someone picked me up for a second, rubbed me behind the ears until I purred then gently set me down.  It was just a little bit of kind attention-some very innocent well wishing.  As I theoretically followed him back to his house I was met by the closed door of his lovely home. I was in such a rush to get out my own front door for my camping trip that I didn't have time to even see if this guy was married. So my mind played all sorts of tricks on me as I dealt with my little drama queen campers.  Once I returned home and could do the necessary leg work I felt guilty for even wishing. However, I was filled with my own well-wishing for this sweet, strong couple who have dealt with their own challenges and valiantly raised their children.

As I think back on my emotional journey, I am surprised with how little it takes to do a 360 °  How one little kindness can literally change my life and fill me with resolve to the kind of woman deserving of such fine attention.  A change in my circumstances is definitely motivating, but why should I have to wait for something to "happen" or fall from the sky to make necessary character changes. Why should I flail around on the ground expecting others to help me get up?  Instead of thinking how "this" can change everything, how about changing everything without "this".  What is "this" anyway.  Perhaps it was a much needed "pick me up"-to change my heart continually.