This morning I was thinking about affirmations and their connection to our exercise of faith in ourselves and in others. Faith being a principle of power, it moves us to action giving us the necessary propulsion to move forward in our daily goals. It helps us execute wise decisions in line with those affirmations. I was trying to illustrate this yesterday with my students in the park as we flew kites, did bottle rockets, alka-seltzer rockets, and threw frisbee golf discs towards the wire basket goals. I had the students state their goals in "I AM" statements" such as, "I am a nice person", I am a good friend", "I am a smart problem solver" I am a selfless person". They were then challenged to "act as if" they had already achieved their goal- and were already a selfless, peaceful, smart, nice person. Would this belief influence their choices during the day? Would it influence their choices while playing in the park? With a bunch of hyperactive boys, our group focus mostly flew right over their vacuous heads. They spent most of the time fighting over kites, pushing each other out of the way, being impatient to have their turn, anxious they would miss out on opportunities. However, they did have some fun and enjoyed stopping for Girl Scout cookies.
We discussed how these "I AM" statement were like labeling yourself-in a positive way. We contrasted these positive labels with negative ones such as BAD BOYS, BULLIES, CRIMINALS, even ADDICTS. Either way, when others believe we are bad, we sometimes act bad. When we believe we are bad, we sometimes act bad. It's the belief that drives the action. I work in a lock down facility. Reading over the clinical histories of these students, it would easy to be shocked about the outrageous behaviors causing harm to self and others. It would be easy to label these kids in a negative manner and expect the worse-forever. However, I work in a treatment center, not a little kids prison, and as such we focus on individualized goals. A key aspect of establishing a therapeutic relationship is having unconditional positive regard for each client. These kids need to feel that I LIKE them. These kids need to feel like I BELIEVE in them. They need to believe that I care and want them to do well. That I am sad when they don't. I remind them that they can do it-they can be safe. They can learn to be trusted with greater amounts of freedom with their increased control.
I've been hearing about positive affirmations throughout my married life. My x-husband use to put little index cards on the mirror. I thought they were stupid. I was always a little more skeptical. I doubted self and others. Not only did I think they were stupid but I thought in some ways they were dishonest. Not only did he totally believe in these affirmations but he was able to be so congruent that others believed them as well. I am a amazing businessman. I am totally honest in all my dealings. I am wealthy and powerful. I am a trustworthy, loving husband and father. He treated others "as if" they were wonderful also. He had the most amazing children. He had the most talented children. I was the the most beautiful, superior woman ever etc, etc, etc. Through language he reinforced these ideas so we would believe in ourselves. Unfortunately, this belief backfired since chronic lying tends to cast a wide net of doubt- we just couldn't trust him or anything he said. Not only did we not believe him, but we began we doubted the positive affirmations as well. Which is a shame, because many of these positive affirmations are often rooted in truth and had the power to transform.
I'm less doubtful these days especially regarding the transformation power of "I AM" statements. I still don't think I'll be sticking any index cards on my mirror, but I do believe in positive labels. I am a Latter-Day Saint, mother, musician, writer, recreation therapist. These are great labels. They are great affirmations but I think I still need more. At the same time, I also want to help others with their own positive affirmations. They might be addicts, criminals, liars or whatever-but I better not treat them like that. Rather, I'm going to treat you like a queen. I'm going to treat you like I think you're the greatest person ever. I might not be able to trust you now, but if I treat you with this unconditional positive regard, I think you may have a greater chance in being trustworthy. I love the principle of faith moving us towards positive action, especially when rooted in a deep and abiding faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. I know with this kind of faith, we can do anything-even help us realize our I AM and YOU ARE affirmations.
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