Left Alone in the Cold vs. Caring

This morning I was thinking about being left alone in the cold verses caring.  On Friday, I was so full of cares that I carelessly left a student back at camp/cabins and had to double back quickly to get her.  And this was the gal I had just a few hours prior tried to assuage her hysteria  about peers by reminding her, "I care about YOU!"  Though I was fortunate other staff were still at the campsite, I still replay events leading up to this mistake trying to auto-correct.  It's  only fair I beat myself up for letting important matters slip through the cracks-especially since these kids are in my care and I'm responsible for their safety.  The line of the song from "Into the Woods" keeps going through my mind:"People make mistakes-terrible mistakes-holding to their own-thinking they're alone." How did I hold to my own?  Did I think I was alone? I know the student felt alone when she was freaking out saying nobody wanted to be her friend.  I know she felt alone when the van with all her peers was no longer in the parking lot. When arriving on the scene,  all I could do was roll down the window and say, We LOVE you!  We came back for you!  You are so important!- now get in the van!"

The funny thing was 95% of the camp trip was absolutely care free- the weather was perfect, NOT COLD, I had plenty of staff, the activities were going off without a hitch, the girls were actually getting along- that is until the last hour-then everything unraveled.  Though I had delegated certain cabin/bathroom cleaning and supervision tasks,  I didn't quite communicate them properly because I literally felt like a chicken with its' head cut off running around by myself in utter chaos while breaking up fights, calming down defiant, angry kids, barking out directions, administering noon meds, holding ice to a head to a bleeding-wailing girl who face planted while running around, throwing gear into the van,  and trying to prepare for camp check out.  The girls were done helping but there was still too much left undone. It was getting late and staff were anxious about missing important commitments.  And all the while, kid after kid approached me with their "urgent" requests for help.  I wanted to help-I wanted to give care according to their needs.  All I knew was that I needed to get out of there- NOW and get back. We arrived safely back to campus, even though a student filled up a barf bag on the way...we made it!  

So this is life.  Left to my own devices-or trying to do things on my own doesn't work too well.  No matter how noble the desire to give care, I fall short. I'm trying to be a better team player and improve leadership skills.This weekend I spent a lot of time alone putting gear away, carefully cleaning up, trying to put the Humpty-Dumpty aspects of my life back together.  I do not want to "hold to my own or think I'm alone."  I don't think anyone wants to be left out in the cold.   Symbolically, I sometimes leave others out in the cold.   I inadvertently leave them hanging, even if it's just because I'm wrapped up in my own momentary chaos. I could tell my daughter felt like she was left in the cold by not being available for her phone call while driving through the canyon. My sister felt like she was left in the cold when I didn't respond to her text messages this week. It was important for me to symbolically double back, show up, roll down the window and say, "I love and care about you- I'm here now." So one of the first things I did when getting back to campus was to  plop down in my office chair and listen to my daughter on the phone as she described her dilemmas.  Yesterday I called my sister and started planning a get-away for her birthday.  I don't want to be so full of cares that I'm careless,  Rather I want to CARE, not thinking I'm alone or leaving others out in the cold.