Desires/Being Called

This morning I was thinking about my recent application to "try out" for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. There are 3 phases to make the grade;  First- application, audio recording, and bishop's recommendation. Second-challenging written theory test with an aural aptitude component.  Last- on site audition where you basically need to be able to sight read anything and do it in the right key. The bar is so high it's a wonder anyone actually "makes" the choir.  But I figured since I'm coming close to the age cut off (55) I might as well give it a go.  If for some reason I'm able to run this musical gauntlet successfully, it will cement my decision to stay in Utah a while longer before returning to California. Anyway, regardless the outcome, at least I followed through with my goal of  putting my application in the mail. It felt good to write ""Mormon Tabernacle Choir" across the front of the envelope in large letters with my black sharpie- as such a bold decision requires. This envelope represents my desire to serve as a formally called "Musical Missionary."

I remember turning in my papers to serve as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints back in the 80's.  Like the Tab. Choir application, it was just a piece of paper with information about me and my picture accompanied by an ecclesiastic recommendation. I remember having the picture taken wondering if it was too over the top to have a big red flower in my hair-but did it anyway.  This Spanish Senorita look may have influenced my eventual call to the Spain Madrid Mission. Who knows? As potential LDS missionaries, we say "called" because we do not get to choose where we will serve.  We can express a formal desire (through application) but ultimately it is the inspired decision of those acting for the Lord who decide when and where we serve.  So when the assignment comes in the mail we can say we have been called by the Lord to serve him. Through the spirit, missionaries often receive confirmation of their formal call being from God, and not from some random "pick your place out of a hat" committee.

This time around for my Tab. application, I wasn't wearing a big red flower in my hair for my picture, but I did try to look my best. Everything I put in that orange envelope was an attempt at my best.  In the vocal exercises, I even reached a high B. (which I typically cannot do).  I practiced so hard as I drove to work trying to improve my control over my singing voice-flexibility, range, sound quality, staying in tune etc.  In the end as I held my daughter's I-phone to record the billionth take for each musical tasks, I just had to stop and say, "I'm done-good enough"  It was never going to be perfect.  And I can't magically change my voice into some perfect choir soprano.  It's just going to have to do.  Once again, like the picture-I tried to do my best. I realize my best might not be good enough.  In fact, who knows what the bishop's recommend said regarding my circumstances and my appropriateness for this possible call. It's out of my hands for now.

So where serve?  How serve?  Who decides?  I love the scripture in Doctrine in Covenants Section 4-"if ye have desire to serve God, ye are called to the work."  As choir director currently in my ward, I told the little girls in attendance- you are musical missionaries RIGHT NOW.  Maybe not formally, but they use music to help others "feel" close to God. My very first solo in church was when I was 8 years old singing, "I Know My Father Lives." I'm sure my voice was not good and probably too loud- but I gave what I had and in some small way helped God's work.  I love music.  I love what it can do.  I am so happy I can use this tool to help others increase the spiritual nature of gatherings.  In a more secular sense, I'm glad I can use music to just FEEL (period).  It lets me know I am alive-that we're alive and we're connected to each other and we're connected to God.

I love how that Mormon Tabernacle Choir envelope represents my desire to serve.  To know where, and how, all I have to do is open my eyes and ears to the countless needs around me:  Bedridden Elsie Dee needs someone to sit by her beside and sing to her, Claudia needs processional music for her daughter's weeding, students need campfire and lullaby music for the upcoming Moab trip, Primary needs a substitute chorister again for tomorrow, The hymn arrangement for the choir needs to be rewritten etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.  No, I might not receive a formalized call to serve with music, but if I listen to that still small voice, I will have plenty of work to do.  He will certainly call, and I can answer.